‘Love is …’ (Song of songs 8:5-14)

  

In the 1960s a young woman, Kim Grove, was engaged to a guy called Robert Casali.  Every day she used to draw little cartoons and slip them into secret places for him to find.  These were later picked up by newspapers all around the world.  Each cartoon began, ‘Love is …’

‘Love is … giving each other pet names.’

‘Love is … making her a queen.’

‘Love is … patching up a quarrel.’

‘Love is … like wine, better as it matures.’

‘Love is … when the passion slows down and friendship speeds up.’

In this last section of the Song of songs we could add that:

‘Love is … affectionate.’

‘Love is … private and public commitment.’

‘Love is … a powerful gift to be used wisely.

Then we will finish this series by pointing out the ‘Love is … Christ-crucified.’

Love is affectionate

I think that many Christians believe that Jesus feels perpetually disappointed with them.  I think many Christians, who say that Jesus loves them, have a hard time believing that he likes them.  But the Psalms teach us something better: ‘the Lord delights in his people, he crowns the humble with victory’ (Psalm 149:4).  He does not regret making you his child.  He is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love. 

The first picture of love that we see in these verses is affectionate.  The girl’s friends see her and say, ‘who is that coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved?’  ‘Love is … leaning on your beloved.’  A husband and wife support each other.  Friends and family support each other.  Jesus invites us to lean on his everlasting arms.

Love is commitment

A girl goes to her pastor and opens up.  Soon she is in tears when she spoke about how she lost her virginity.  He had told her he loved her.  He had said that it was only a matter of time before they would marry.  She wanted to wait.  He said that if she loved him she would sleep with him.  They had sex.  Then he decided that he was no longer so sure about their love.  It wasn’t long before the relationship drifted apart and she was left with regret.  How often that same story has been played out! 

God’s instructions for sex and marriage are not only centred around his glory but are intended for our good.  He wants this most intimate of human acts to be in a place of security, safety and trust.  The Bible speaks of sex within a publicly-affirmed covenant.

The bride talks of being a seal on his heart and a seal on his arm.  In our culture she would want him to wear a wedding ring with pride and be dedicated to her in his inner-most being.  She wants the world to see that he is unashamed to belong to her and that she is his. 

Of course, the intimacy of marriage and sex points ahead to the greater intimacy of Christ and his people.  He has permanently sealed us in the person of the Holy Spirit.  Our union with him goes even further than ‘till death us do part’.  Our union with him goes forward to a heavenly wedding feast.

If we read these verses simply as a song of human love we may feel disappointment.  Maybe you find singleness lonely.  It might be that you are in a marriage that is cold.  It could be that you have gone through the pain of a marriage that has failed.  Let these verses point you to the greater love of Jesus.  He is the one who can sustain us in whatever situation we find ourselves in.

George Matheson was engaged to be married when his doctors told him that he was going blind.  When his fiancé found out she ended the relationship.  She told him that she could not go through life with a blind person.  On the evening of sister’s wedding he wrote a hymn.  ‘O love that wilt not let me go, I rest my weary soul in thee.  I give you back the life I owe.  That in thine ocean depths its flow may richer, fuller be.’

Love is a powerful gift

On the Sunday morning I was preaching these verses I stopped by my favourite cafe for an oat-milk cappuccino.  The servers asked me what I was doing for the day so I told them I was on my way to preach at church.  I read Aine and Fionnuala  the middle verses, where we get the closest thing the book has to a definition of love (I decided not to read them the bit about the younger sister's breasts).   ‘… love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave.  Its jealousy unyielding as a flame.  It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame [the very flame of the Lord, ESV].  Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away.  If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned’ (8:6-7).  The girls replied, 'deep!'

Love is a gift from God.  Love for one another is to be flamed into flame.  Love is to be celebrated in songs and joy.  King David even spoke of a friendship love that he thought was better than the love of a woman.  Love between Christians is to attract other people to Jesus.

But remember that three times this girl has solemnly told her friends not to awaken love until its time.  Love is a fire that can burn.  It is precious but must be treated with care.  People’s lives have been ruined by loving the wrong person.  The book of Proverbs talks of the forbidden woman whose house sinks down to death (2:14-16).  I keep in my mind the story of a pastor who not only ruined his marriage and ministry through an affair, but actually ended his life because of it.

However, when it comes to seeking sexual purity we must remember that it is not law that inspires the heart to change but grace.  Paul writes in Titus, ‘For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people.  It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in the present age’ (Titus 2:11-12).  Similarly, he writes to the church at Rome teaching that, ‘the kindness of God leads to repentance’ (Romans 2:4).  We won’t find sexual purity simply through obeying a set of rules.  We grow in purity as we fall in love with Jesus.  We won’t change by hating ourselves for our past mistakes but leaning into the one who was known as friend of sinners.  We become transformed as we focus our eyes on his kind face and remember that there is no dirt that he can’t clean, no temptation that he is unwilling to deliver us from and no pleasure that compares with walking close to him.

Conclusion

The Song of songs finishes with an invitation: ‘Come away, my lover, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on spice-laden mountains’ (8:14).  The puritan, Thomas Goodwin, explained that the reason that people do not go to Jesus is that ‘they know not Christ’s mind and heart.’  ‘The truth is, he is more glad of us than we can be of him.’  ‘O therefore come in unto him.  If you knew his heart, you would.’

‘Love is … Christ crucified’.  ‘This is how we know what love is: Christ died for us’ (1 John 3:16).  There is no act of purer love in the whole of history than the Son of God, Jesus, dying for the sins of his people.’  With a promise he invites you saying, ‘I will never turn away anyone who comes to me’ (John 6:37).

Dane Ortland writes, ‘Whatever is crumbling all around you in your life, wherever you feel stuck, this remains: his heart for you, the real you, is gentle and lowly.  So go to him.  That place in your life where you feel most defeated, he is there.  He lives there, right there, and his heart for you, now and forever, is gentle and lowly.  Your anguish is his home.  Go to him.  “If you knew his heart, you would.”’

‘Beauty’ (Song of songs 6:4-8:4)

 

What do you think about human beauty? 

We all want to be beautiful.  But sometimes we don’t feel very beautiful.  Like the girl in this song we can lament our bodily imperfections—such as her sun-kissed skin—and that we have not looked after our vineyard.

We know beauty is fleeting (Proverbs 31:30) and that the Christian is to prioritise the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight (1 Peter 3:3-4). Yet the Bible is not blind to human beauty.  The Old Testament mentions the great beauty of women such as Sarah, the wife of Abraham, and Rebekah, the wife of Isaac.

We might think of very beautiful people as vain and shallow.  Beautiful people can be exclusive in their friendships and self-obsessed.  This is highlighted in a culture that is pre-occupied with celebrities. 

We are warned not to desire the beauty of the adulterous woman (Proverbs 6:25).

Human beauty is like a cut rose, explains Douglas O’Donnell—its splendour is fading and it is surrounded by thorns, and so is to be admired but treated with care.

Beauty is a significant theme in the Song of songs.  The word ‘beauty’ occurs sixteen times, four of which are in this morning’s reading.  So, as we approach this text, we will ask what we can learn about beauty and how beauty points to Jesus.

1.      See the unique beauty in people (6:4-9) 

Everyone wants to believe that they are beautiful and everybody has some trace of beauty in them.  It is good for a husband to tell his wife in what ways he finds her attractive.  It is good for a wife to tell her husband why she is drawn to him.  Our husband in these verses has no problem in praising his wife.  Some men would rather die than praise their wife, and so the joy is robbed from their marriage.  Again, he talks of her hair and teeth, and her temples (which may mean the whole side of her face) being bright and fresh like the halves of a pomegranate.

Notice that he sees her as unique (6:8-9).  In his eyes there is no other woman like her.  Remember that your spouse is to be your standard of beauty.  One of the ways to protect your heart against adulterous thoughts is to see the beauty of the one you are married to.  We need to see that beauty with grace and not demand perfection. 

When I was first married I used to look at other couples who seemed to get on better than we did, and I was discontent.  I am not sure what has changed, but now I am just happy to be married to Caroline even with our imperfections.

2.       Beauty is to be celebrated appropriately (6:10-7:13)

The girl’s friends join in in praising her beauty.  They refer to her as the Shulamite.  What does that mean?  Shulamite might refer to a place called Shulam.  It is the female form of Solomon.  I like the fact that the root of this name is ‘Shalom’—peace.  Matched to her physical beauty is the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.  In the last chapter she declares, 'I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment' (8:10).  It literally is, 'I have become in his eyes like one bringing shalom.'  Be someone who fosters peace in your relationships!    

Her husband praises the parts of her body that, in that culture, would have only been his to see —her navel, waist and breasts.  We need to be appropriate in how we celebrate human beauty.  The human heart can quickly move from admiration to lust.  He talks about them enjoying the intimacy of sex.  The writer of Hebrews teaches us that, ‘marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral’ (Hebrews 13:4).  If you flirt with someone else’s spouse you are dishonouring their marriage and acting with the heart of an adulterer.  If you are pursuing sex outside marriage you are in danger of the judgement of God.

3.      Beauty is to be treated with care (8:1-4)

‘If only you were to me like a brother, who was nursed at my mother’s breasts!  Then if I found you outside I would kiss you, and no one would despise me’ (8:1).  That culture forbade physical displays of affection, even between husband and a wife.  Although a brother could kiss his sister in public.  She wishes that he was like a brother whom she could kiss in public.  See the strong desires that are attached to human beauty.  That is why, for the third time, she says to her single friends, ‘do not arouse are awaken love until it so desires’ (8:4).

Remember that physical beauty is like a cut rose—its splendour is fading and it is surrounded by thorns.  Be careful!  All this talk of romantic love may awaken strong feelings if you are single.  It may awaken feelings of pain and discontent if you are living in a marriage that is cold.  Bring it all to Jesus—the great lover of our souls.  Jesus, the only one who can bring true peace and contentment.

Conclusion—Jesus, the creator of beauty

In Romans the apostle Paul teaches that the whole of creation reveals the power and nature of God (Romans 1:19-20).  We also know that all things have been created by Jesus.  One of the reasons I could never be an atheist is that it is hard to believe that all this beauty simply evolved without any designer.  What an incredible God our God is that he could create an eye or a mouth and not just make them functional but also make them beautiful!

Yet when Jesus stepped into his creation we read that he had no beauty that we should desire him (Isaiah 53:2).  His earthly beauty was all on the inside.  In fact, on the cross he was so disfigured that people turned their faces away from him.  He lost his beauty so that we might be made beautiful in him. 

Now he endows his people with splendour (Isaiah 60:9).  He may have given us some physical beauty, but there are no limits to the inner beauty he wants to create in us.  Then one day he will return, we will see him in all his eternal beauty and he will give us immortal bodies that will have a splendour that will never fade.  No longer will our beauty be like a cut rose surrounded by thorns.

When sinners say 'I do' (5:2-6:3)

Our first couple of years of marriage were difficult.  For my part I had always cultivated an image of being a nice guy, but now Caroline was close enough to see past that.  I had never had to confront my issues with anger.  My anger is not explosive, rather it withdraws.  I huff.  I stew in resentment.

They say that love is blind and that marriage is a great eye-opener.  I think that there is some truth in that.  You can hide your sinfulness if you keep people at a distance, but if they get really close they are going to see you, warts and all. 

There is a book of marriage entitled, ‘When sinners say “I do”’.  On Goodreads someone explained that ‘When sinners say “I do”’ is about encountering the life-transforming power of the gospel in the unpredictable journey of marriage.  What we need for marriage, and for our relationship with friends and family, is a clear understanding of the gospel.

We get angry because we are selfish

What we see in today’s verses is less idealistic than anything we have seen so far in the Song of songs.  The couple struggle: he seems to be inconsiderate, she seems selfish, there is violence in the neighbourhood and friends are unsupportive.

It seems to be that they have arranged to share a time of intimacy.  She has washed her body, and has now waited for hours.  Finally, she gives up and goes to bed.  Then he turns up and knocks at the door.  He doesn’t give an apology or an explanation, only some sweet talk.

She describes the scene: ‘I slept, but my heart was awake.  A sound!  My beloved is knocking.  “Open to me my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one, for my hand is wet with dew, my locks are wet with the drops of night”’ I had put off my garment; how could I put it on?  I had bathed my feet; how could I soil them?’ (2-3). 

She is annoyed with him, and she doesn’t let him in.  She couldn’t be bothered, and lets him stand wet outside the door.  If he is inconsiderate, she is lazy and selfish.  So, he heads off into the night. Douglas O’Donnell writes, ‘couples might argue about money, sex or in-laws (all externals).  But I have found that the root problem in marital conflict and the greatest obstacle to intimacy is selfishness.’

Don’t forget to see your spouse as special

But something changes.  ‘My beloved put his hand to the latch, and my heart was thrilled within me.  I came to open to my beloved and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with liquid myrrh, on the handles of the bolt’ (4-5).  One commentator suggests that there was an eastern custom of anointing a door handle as a way of saying you were there.  It left a fragrance.  A bit like leaving flowers for her.  But when she opens the door he is gone.

The tragedy is that the one who was meant to protect her has left her vulnerable.  The city’s watchmen mistake her for a loose woman and beat her.  When she asks her friends to tell him that she is sick with love they ask, ‘What’s so special about your man?’  Then she recalls.  ‘My beloved is radiant and ruddy, distinguished among ten-thousand’ (10).  We might say, ‘he is one in a million.’

Isn't the same with our relationship with Jesus?  When people ask what's so special about him aren't we reminded of his beauty?  When people treat him as ordinary don't we want to tell then he is unique?  Notice that when she declares his beauty they want to see him too.  May god enable us to speak about Jesus that others will want to gaze on him.

Applying these words to the normal people we love takes a lot of kindness and grace—whether they be of our friends, wife, husband or children.  One in a thousand?  The truth is that if Caroline was to compare me to a thousand other men she would have no problem finding many that are more attractive than me.  But we are to see people in a unique way.

Daniel Estes writes: ‘In marriage it is easy to lose sight of how special your spouse is.  The inexorable duties of life can dilute the delights of intimacy, so that what used to provide excitement now evokes only a yawn.  Indifference is a lethal blow to intimacy, because it communicates that the relationship is not as valued as it used to me.’ 

One of the most attractive things about my father was how he sought to see the positive in everybody.  He was rarely critical of anyone.  He used to tell me to seek to learn one new thing from everyone I meet.  I remember one time when Munster played a really dreadful match, and when I pointed this out to him, he reminded me how hard they train.  We are not naïve about people, ‘but love hopes all things’ (1 Cor. 13:7)—often we assume the worst about someone’s motives, but love seeks to put a positive slant on the things people say and do.

The wife tells her friends about his black hair, his bright eyes, his sweet smell and his strength.  She is impressed with him.  ‘His mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable.  This is my beloved and this is my friend …’ (16).  When you look for someone to be married to make sure that they will be someone who will be a really good friend.

She then seems to remember that he will be in his garden.  She goes to be with him.  Notice there is no chiding.  They are glad again to be with each other.  They are not going to let the little foxes bitterness spoil their intimacy.  We need to be people who are easy to be reconciled to.  She declares ‘I am my beloved and he is mine’ (6:3).  She had earlier said, ‘my beloved is mine and I am his’ (2:16).  There is a mutual belonging in marriage.

A husband knocks at your door

‘The incomplete satisfaction sex gives is intentional.  Sex is not god.  Rather it is a blessing from and a bridge to God (O’Donnell).’  Jesus teaches that there will be no marriage and no sex in heaven.  We won’t even desire marriage and sex there.  Why?  Because we will fully know and be known by Christ, and to know him so fully is to need nothing else.  Marriage and sex will have served their purpose.  The intimacy and enjoyment that they imperfectly point to will be ours for ever.

Singleness can be lonely.  Marriage can be a struggle.  But there is a perfect husband who knocks at our door.  He is not late, and he is certainly not inconsiderate.  Jesus invites us saying, ‘behold I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him, and he with me’ (Rev. 3:20).  Our relationship with him in this life will still be prone to frustration because we do not yet see him face to face.  But one day we will share in the wedding feast of the lamb (Jesus).  We will delight that this lamb was slain on a cross so that we could be dressed before him in white. 

Naked and unashamed (Song of songs 4:1-5:1)

 

It is hard to stand before someone naked.  I don’t mean physically naked, but emotionally naked—to let your guard down and be real with people, to take off the mask and reveal your insecurities.  In his book and marriage, Tim Keller explains that to be loved but not known is nice but superficial, to be known and not loved is our worst nightmare, but to be fully known and totally loved is the gospel.

You can stand naked before God and be unashamed because God has covered your shame with the blood of his Son.  On the cross Jesus removed all our spiritual blemishes.  Because he has washed you need never fear his rejection.

As a church this sort of grace needs to be our atmosphere.

1.       Wasf—love celebrates

Along the Ennis Road there is a beauty clinic called Wasfi.  Wasfi is a Arabic term meaning ‘one worthy of praise.’  Related to this is a Wasf—an Arabic love poem where the lover describes their beloved from head to toe.  That is the sort of thing we have in our reading.  The one man looks at his new wife and praises her.

She has kept her virginity for their wedding night, and now stands before him with very little on—a veil, a neckless and her hair.  His job is to tell her how beautiful she is.  Sadly, some men would rather die than praise their wife, and as a result the love slowly drains from their marriage.

Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold you are beautiful (1).  Her hair is like a flock of goats—think of a flock of black goats weaving their way together down a mountainside.  Her teeth are like shorn ewes—over time a ewe’s out coat will become discoloured, but when it is shorn it is lovely and white.  None of her teeth have lost their young—they each have the matching one, none are missing (a rare thing in the age before dental care).  Her cheeks are like pomegranates cut in half—in other words they are red and healthy.

He sums up by declaring, ‘there is no flaw in you’ (7).  Remember that earlier in the song she had complained about her skin being darkened by the sun and that she had not kept herself will (she had neglected her vineyard), but he sees her through the eyes of grace.  He calls her ‘my sister’—possibly because he feels like he has always known her.

Dane Ortland says that, ‘it is better to offer too much praise, with the possibility of making a person pride, than giving them too little with the possibility of discouraging them.’  Think about how the apostle Paul affirms the Christians he writes to: ‘We give thanks to God always for all of you, constantly mentioning you in our prayers, remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labour of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ' (1 Thess. 1:2-3).

Love is exclusive

The consummation of their marriage lies at the exact centre of this song.  In the Hebrew the song has a title, then one hundred and eleven lines, then the description of their becoming one flesh (4:16-5:1) and then another one hundred and eleven lines.  Sex in marriage is to be celebrated.  In fact, those in the community encourage the new couple in their love life—‘eat friends, drink and be full of love’ (5:1).

He acknowledges that she has kept her body exclusively for him.  ‘A garden locked up is my sister, my bride’ (4:12).  Remember that she had told her friends not to awaken their sexual love.  Now on her wedding night the time has come to ‘awake’ (4:16).  She invites him into ‘his’ garden.  Nine times he uses the word ‘my’ in the first verse of chapter five—they belong to each other.  ‘I come into my garden’ (5:1).

But is Christ exclusive, after all he loves all of his people?  We must remember as we read the song of songs that the bride of Christ is a people, not individual people.  In other words, there is one bride of Christ, one people of God, the true church of all those who know and love him.  There isn’t one people of God called Hindus, and another called Muslims, and another people called Buddhists.  There is one people of God, the true church of God, not all who call themselves Christians, but those who have allowed themselves be washed by Christ’s death and are living in the power of his resurrection.

This reminds us of the importance of loving the church that Christ loves.  It means that a true Christian will be attached to a local expression of Christ’s bride.  It means that one of the ways we love Christ is through loving his people, one of the ways we receive the love of Christ is by being loved by his people.  While in isolated parts of the world a Christian may have to live in isolation from other Christians, the New Testament knows nothing of solitary Christianity.

Love is rooted in grace

You might not have kept your garden locked, you might not have kept your fountain sealed.  You might not be able to offer virginity to your marriage.  Indeed, everyone approaches life and marriage with some level of sexual failure.  In his book about porn Ray Ortland writes, ‘I love my wife, I don’t watch porn, but I am a sexual sinner.’  Many of us would say the same.

But we take comfort in the fact that Jesus was a friend of sexual sinners.  He spoke of the highest degrees of purity, but offered the absolute promise of forgiveness.  He is the one who can restore virginity.  To those with difficult sexual pasts he can say, ‘there is no flaw in you’ (4:7).  You can stand naked before God and be unashamed because God has covered your shame with the blood of his Son.  On the cross Jesus removed all our spiritual blemishes.  Because he has washed you need never fear his rejection.

I want to finish by reading you a great article called ‘My wife has tattoos.’

‘My wedding day was last week and I didn’t marry the girl of my dreams.  If you told me, when I was a teenager, that my wife would have seven tattoos and a history of drug and alcohol abuse …   I would have laughed at you … It wasn’t my dream to marry a complicated girl.  I never dreamed I’d sit on a couch with my future wife in premarital counselling listening to her cry and tell stories of drunken nights … confessing mistakes made in past relationships.  That wasn’t my dream …

Many people wouldn’t have put Taylor and me together.  In High School we probably wouldn’t have been friends.  She probably would have thought I was a nice, boring, judgemental Christian kid.  I probably would have thought she was a nice, lost, party-scene girl who guys like me were supposed to avoid …

But everything changes when people meet Jesus … Right in the middle of the mess of life, Taylor met Jesus, and he placed his flag in her life … this is how I see Taylor.  She is completely new, completely transformed and completely clean … He took all her sins, placed them on his Son and gave her Jesus’ righteousness to wear like a perfect white wedding dress. 

In reality, Taylor’s story is my story as well.  As she walked down the aisle towards me, I was reminded of how much I don’t deserve the precious gift she is to me.  I’ve spent my life singing a self-centred siren song.  Nothing in my life cries for blessing … yet god dressed me in white, put my sins on his Son, and gave me a heart that loves him.

Hide and seek (Song of songs 3:1-11)

This Christmastime I have felt the dark more than usual.  It's not that my mental health has been particularly bad, but the evenings have seemed to turn to night so early.  It feels a little oppressive.  I have been longing for the days to start stretching.  I have thought about the fact that at Christmas we celebrate the light of Jesus stepping in to the darkness of a hopeless world. 

For centuries Christians have associated darkness with a feeling that God is absent.  We sometimes refer to 'the dark night of the soul.'  Have you ever felt God's absence even as you reach out to him?  I remember as a student going through a time of crippling anxiety, but no matter how I prayed heaven seemed silent.   The psalmist complained, ‘Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?’ (Psalm 10:1). 

1.      Why does Christ seem absent in our pain? (1)

At this stage in the Song of Songs our young girl is experiencing her own dark night.

'All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves, I looked but did not find him’ (1).  If this young man is a picture of Jesus then why would he hide from us?

Maybe we have allowed our faith become dry and formulaic.  Maybe we are just going through the motions.  Maybe we have allowed ourselves drift.  So, Jesus stands at a distance and seeks to wake us up.  As Alina said in our small group, ‘sometimes when I allow myself walk from God he kick’s my butt to get my attention.’  It could be that Jesus is allowing us pass through a time of pressure to lovingly bring us to our senses and cause us to depend on him again.  Whatever the reason for the pressures we face, pain should always cause us to seek our comforter.

I do think that we sometimes accuse Jesus of hiding when he is not.  We allow our circumstances and feelings dictate how we think about him, and in our pain fail to see that he is actually standing with us and holding us in his arms.  Afterall, ‘the Lord is close to the broken-hearted and lifts up those who are crushed in spirit’ (Ps. 34:18). 

2.     How do we seek Christ when he feels absent? (2-5)

I have been reading a really good book by a Christian psychiatrist called John White.  He talks about the complexity of our mental health.  There can be biological as well as circumstantial reasons as to why we feel the way we do.  Sometimes it is not the pastor we need to call but the doctor.

When we seek Christ we need to be seeking one we love.  Look at how this young woman loves the man who is absent.  ‘… I sought him whom my soul loves … have you seen the one my soul loves …’ (1-3).

Our pain presents us with a fork in the road.  We will either seek more of the Christ we love or we will grow to resent him.  You must not let your circumstances cause you to grow cold. 

Note the continued repeating of ‘sought’, ‘seek’ and ‘did not find’ in the opening two verses.  Don’t stop seeking Jesus when he seems absent.  Don’t let discouragement defeat you.  One of the ways we grow is through God's delays, as he teaches us to persist in prayer.

Share.  The watchmen were responsible for guarding the city at night.  As the girl heads out into the night she asks the watchmen if they have seen the one that she loves.  Involve others in your search for Christ.  John White speaks of an occasion when his son was anxious and confused.  They had a chat and his mood lifted.  My friend Brenda, a psychologist teaching in Maynooth University, says that the most important thing in counselling is the therapeutic alliance—that is how comfortable you feel with the counsellor.  Find people who are compassionate listeners and wise speakers, and tell them how you are finding it hard to sense Jesus.  They might point you in his direction!

What a lovely statement in verse 3, 'I found the one my soul loves'?  My friends Ian and Naomi have a lovely picture frame with these words written in it.  Human love is a great thing, but the love of Christ is infinitely better.

3.       What should you do when you find him? (4-11)

The girl finds her man.  ‘Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one whom my soul loves’ (4).  The puritan, Richard Sibbes, writes, ‘he cannot find it in his heart to hide himself long from us.’  Although that will not always be the case.

Now she praises her man.  ‘Ladies, think about Solomon coming to town with all its grandeur and gladness.  Well, my love is greater than Solomon in all his glory’ (O’Donnell).  Jesus tells us that he is greater than Solomon (Matthew 12:42).  So, when God enables us to see beyond our circumstances and know his presence then we should sing, celebrate and be glad about Christ.

In love what are called the Psalms of Lament.  In these psalms the write cries out to God honestly in their pain.   They ask God questions like, 'how long must I wrestle with my thoughts all day long?  Will you forget me for ever?'  And yet, with no apparent change in the circumstances, they move on to praise.  'I will speak of the God who has been good to me.'  Sometimes as we pray a light shines into our darkness and a confidence in God's goodness grows. 

In 1851 the missionary Allan Gardner lay dying beside his shipwrecked boat.  He was at the southern tip of south America.  He wrote with a weakened hand in his diary.  He described the terrible hunger.  But one on his last entries, written in a feeble scrawl, exclaimed, ‘I am overwhelmed with a sense of the goodness of God.’   Christ was close to him in his pain.

Conclusion

The truth is that Christ is always close to his people.  He cannot forsake us.  He has promised to be with us to the end.  He dwells within us.  The reason we will never be forsaken by him is that he felt forsaken for us.  On a cross he cried out, 'my God, my God why have you forsaken me?'  He did this taking the punishment of our guilt.  He experienced the ultimate darkness so that we could live in the reassurance of  God's love and light.

This Christmas may Jesus enable us to see light when darkness surrounds us!

‘Christ’s pursuit of us' – Song of songs 2:8-17

C. S. Lewis writes about how he was found by God:

“You must picture me alone in that room in Magdalen, night after night, feeling, whenever my mind lifted even for a second from my work, the steady, unrelenting approach of Him whom I so earnestly desired not to meet.  That which I greatly feared had at last come upon me.  In the Trinity Term of 1929 I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England … The words “compelle intrare,” compel them to come in, have been so abused be wicked men that we shudder at them; but, properly understood, they plumb the depth of the Divine mercy.  The hardness of God is kinder than the softness of men, and His compulsion is our liberation.”

The Song of songs is a love song about a young man and a young woman who are getting married.  But as Christians, who believe all of the Old Testament points to Jesus, we also see here a picture of Christ’s pursuit of his people, the church.  If you are a part of that body then you can take comfort in his continued pursuit of you.  He sought to make you his own.  He continues to seek you every day of your life.

I have three points:

            1.  Prayer is resting in the presence of someone who sees you as beautiful.

2.  We must get rid of everything that spoils intimacy in our relationships.

3.  We should seek to find our delight in Jesus.

Prayer is resting in the presence of someone who sees you as beautiful

Does it feel like no-one thinks you are special?   Maybe your parents never pursued your heart.  Has your husband stopped seeking intimacy?  Does your wife no longer want to be close with you?  Do you struggle to make friends?  If you are a Christian then Jesus sees you as the apple of his eye!

The young man comes seeking his beloved.  ‘Leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills’ (8).  He calls her to be with him, ‘Arise my darling, my beautiful one.  Come to me’ (10).  Their love is pictured as being like spring, ‘See!  Winter has past, the rains are over and gone’ (11).  Just like nature responds to the return of summer, we are to respond to the approach of Jesus and bear fruit in his light.  

‘Arise, come, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me’ (11b).  Applying these words to Jesus, Hudson Taylor writes, 'Wonderful thought! that God should desire fellowship with is; and that he whose love once made him the man of sorrows may now be made the man of joys by the loving devotion of human hearts.' 

Jerry, a student, was having a quiet time, but it was a struggle.  They had been studying the Song of songs in his church.  Then he thought of those words, ‘Arise, my beautiful one, come with me’.  He realised that Jesus wanted to know him more.  Christ was pursuing him.  Prayer isn’t just about presenting a list of requests to God.  It’s resting in the presence of someone who sees you as beautiful.

Hudson Taylor writes, 'well is it when our eyes are filled with [Jesus'] beauty and our hearts are occupied with him.  In the measure in which this is true of us we shall recognise the correlative truth that his great heart is occupied with us.'

Get rid of everything that spoil healthy intimacy

But there are so many distractions that get in the way of my spending time with Jesus.  Facebook, Instagram and other social media are God’s way of telling us that it is not true when we claim that we are too busy to pray. 

‘Catch the foxes, the little foxes, that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom’ (15).  Remove those things that spoil healthy intimacy.  Be in control of your social media, your reading and your television and do not let them control you.

There can be little pestering foxes in our relationships with people too.  That resentment you have never let go.  That laziness where you would rather be on your own than be with those you love.  That pride that stops you from letting your guard down.  ‘Catch the little foxes that ruin the vineyards.’

She has been hiding from him.  He says, ‘My dove in the clefts of the rock; in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely’ (14).  Jesus loves to hear your voice.  It gives him pleasure to listen to you.  He wants to look us in the face.  He delights when we lift our heads from the screen and think about him.

Seek your delight in Jesus 

The psalmist writes, ‘In your presence there is fullness of joy’ (Psalm 16:11).  That doesn’t describe my prayer times, does it describe yours?  Can we slow down and put our distractions aside for long enough to start enjoying speaking to him and thinking about him?  What about turning the radio off at times in the car and talking to him?  Can we aim for growing intimacy with Jesus?

Look at how the teenage girl responds to the pursuit of her lover.  'My beloved is mine and I am his …’ (16a).

Which is more amazing, that we belong to Christ or that Christ belongs to us?  Jesus takes us into his family and calls us friend.  He sees us as sister or brother.  He thinks of us as a lover.  He also gives himself to us, so that we can say ‘he is mine’.  The creator of this universe in some way belongs to me.

This is a challenge for all our relationships.  The apostle Paul wouldn’t have shocked the world of his day when he taught that a wife’s body belongs to her husband, but then he also taught that husband’s body belongs to his wife.  So, we are to give ourselves to each other (1 Corinthians 7:4-5).  Are you more ambitious for your career than on improving your marriage?  What about your friendships, do you take more pleasure from your hobbies than spending time with people? 

Conclusion

Jesus taught that people don’t seek him by nature, they run from him.  They might like the thought of Jesus as a good teacher, selectively picking from his teachings, but they do not want him as their only Saviour from our guilt (the Christ of the cross) who demands we give him our lives (the Christ who calls us to take up our cross).  If you find that you are becoming interested in the Jesus, the Jesus of the Bible, then that is the work of the Holy Spirit pursuing you.  Don’t resist him.  Surrender to his love!

If you have surrendered to his love then remember that he sees you as beautiful.  All your moral filth is washed away by his blood.  He sees you as clean.  He has given you his Holy Spirit, he delights to see the change that he is making in you.  He loves to hear your voice.  He enjoys seeing your face.  Find your joy in that love.

One night, in a hotel in Manhattan, David Suchet, who is famous for playing Agatha Christie’s Poirot, found that for the first time in his life he had an overwhelming desire to read the Bible.  He knew that the Gideon’s left Bible’s in hotel rooms, but there was none there.  So, he went out onto the street to find a bookstore that might still be open.  When he got back to his room he opened it and read: ‘For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor demons, nor anything else in all of creation, will separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus’ (Rom. 8:38-39).  Those verses brought him to faith.  God had found him.     

'Self-image and the delight of Christ' (Song of songs 1:5-2:7)

What aspects of your body are you unhappy with?  I thought of that and came up with a depressing number of things.  We can be self-conscious.  There are things about our appearance that we don't like.  Writing about this morning's verses Tom Gledhill states, 'In these verses we are brought face to face with problems of our own self-image.  How do we view ourselves?  When we look in the mirror, do we like what we see?  Can we accept ourselves as we really are, with all our quirks, idiosyncrasies and limitations?'

Of course it is not just the exterior that we worry about.  What about your temperament?  Maybe people find you highly-strung.  You fear that people think you are too serious.  You worry that they find your humour annoying.  You have been made feel stupid.  You are not popular.  You fear you would not be popular if people got to see beyond your crafted image.  You are shy.  You are giddy..  We are self-conscious.

Then there is our soul.  It feels like there are stains on our conscience.  We have both sinned and been sinned against.  What if they knew what I am really like?  We have regrets.  We feel dirty.  There are dark blotches that we want to remove.  There are secrets that we fear being exposed.  There are memories that haunt us.  There are wrongs we want set right.  There is shame.  We are self-conscious.

In our reading we encounter a self-conscious teen and her encouraging lover.  We know these verses point us ahead to Jesus, so we will hear his delighting words for his bride, the church.  I have called this talk, 'self-image and the delight of Christ.'  I pray that it will be healing for us.    

We feel insecure because we are so flawed

The girl begins, 'I am dark but lovely' (5a).  She knows that she has good looks, but she is also self-conscious.  In that culture a pale complexion was considered desirable.  Tanned skin spoke of someone who worked outdoors.  The cultured women of that day made great efforts to keep their skin from being sun-kissed.  'Do not gaze on me because the sun has looked upon me' (6a).

She then goes on to mention her mother and brothers (or step-brothers).  There is no mention of her father.  Perhaps he is dead.  Her family has forced her to keep the vineyards, '... but my vineyard I have not kept' (6).  She has not had time to look after her appearance.

Hudson Taylor notes the fact that the bridegroom has brought her to his chamber--he wants to spend time with her alone.  How amazing the Jesus wants alone time with us.  Yet in his presence we become most aware of our moral flaws--including the fact that we find it so hard to settle ourselves in his presence.  Our love for other distractions keeps pulling us away from him.  We have interests in so many other vineyards that we have not tended the vineyard of our soul.  'Let us never forget that what we are is more important than what we do ...' (Taylor).   In his presence we are to apply the soothing balm of grace.  Yes, we have sinned.  yes, we have neglected our faith.  But Jesus delights to welcome us.  he has cleansed us and we are perfect in his sight.        

She wants to go and be with her lover at noon, the time when the men rested.  

Are we people that others can be real with?  Do people feel safe with us?  Will we listen to their pain?  Will be point them to God's grace?  Will we take their hurts seriously?  Reading these verses reminded me that God cares about all the small things that cause us to be anxious.  He even takes our self-consciousness seriously.

In Christ we are made perfect

Now the young man speaks.  'I will compare you to a mare among Pharoah's chariots' (9).  It may be that she is dressed up and looks impressive.  Imagine how different a mare in Pharoah's fleet of chariots would be from a wild untrained horse.  She would be graceful and elegant rather than unruly and uncontrolled.  God loves the fruit that he brings to our character.  'Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with a string of jewels' (10).  He tells her that her eyes are like those of doves.  'The hawk is a beautiful bird, and has beautiful eyes, quick and penetrating; the the bridegroom desires not hawk's eyes in his bride.  The tender eyes of an innocent dove is what he admires.  It was as a dove that the Holy Spirit came upon [Jesus] at his baptism, and the done-like character is that which he seeks for in each of his people' (Taylor).  Taylor points out that while many serious sins were recorded in the life of King David it was his war-like spirit that stopped him from being the one to build the temple.  Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God. 

We will see in this song the back and forth between the two.  'I love you'.  'I love you too.'  How hard it is when we declare our love for someone only to be greeted by their indifference!  That is not the case here.  He calls her beautiful, she calls him handsome and charming.  He sees her sun-kissed skin, that she is so self-conscious about, but he sees her with loving grace.   

Marriage is the union of an imperfect man to an imperfect woman.  We are flawed both physically and morally.  We need to view each other with grace-filled vision.  If you are married let your spouse be your standard of beauty.  Don't compare them with others.  If he is short, then you are into short men.  If she is blond, you are into blonds, and if she is brunette, you are into brunettes.  If she is petit, then that is beauty for you.  If she is curvy, then that is your preference.    

It is the same if you are single and looking to meet someone.  It will be impossible to enjoy a real relationship with a real person until you shed the demand for perfection.  Surely you long to be accepted with all your flaws, then you need to be willing to embrace someone who is also flawed.

But what about Jesus, my perfect lover?  Does Jesus speak like this about me?  Does he see me as beautiful?  He sees his people as more than beautiful: he sees us as spotless.  In Isaiah God promises, 'though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool' (Isaiah 1:18).  In the New Testament we read, 'the blood of Jesus goes on cleansing us from all sin' (1 John 1:7).  If you have brought your sin to Jesus and entrusted your life to his loving rule, if you have confessed a failure and wretched deeds and laid them down before him then he does not want you to go on wallowing in your shame.  It does not honour him to keep on bringing him your past.  He calls you to be free.

I have really felt God challenge me recently.  You see, I don't always feel loved by God.  I don't always feel love for God.  So I thought that I might be a fraud if I went on about how loving he is and how much he loves me.   But sometimes our feelings have to follow our faith.  We are called to hold on and believe that God loves us.  We are called to repent of our unbelief in his care.  We are called to live in the light of the love he has for us, a love that we might often doubt.  We are to declare it as true, because it is true, even when it feels unreal.

We should delight in each other as Christ delights in us

If you are married, have you let the romance drain out of your marriage?  This song tells us not to awaken love before its time, but if you are married that time is always now.  You need to stir the embers of your love.  In your friendships do you let people know how much they mean to you?  In your faith do you devote solid time to simply be with Jesus?

She thinks that she is ordinary.  'I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys.' (2:1).  Roses of Sharon were nice, but there were loads of them.  Same with lilies of the valley.  He says she is a special lily.  'A lily among brambles, so is my love among the young women' (2:2).  Remember that she is your standard of beauty!  The great early theologian Augustine explained that 'God loves each of us as if there is only one of us.'

She too sees him as special.  'As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among young men' (2:3).  Everything about him refreshes her.  He is good for her.  She delights to be in his presence.

Then comes one of the most famous verses in this song: 'He brought me to his banqueting table, and his banner over me is love' (2:4).  I was at a school's rugby match, and I noticed that some of the girls had made a banner.  It read, 'We love Reuben.'  Imagine running onto the pitch and reading that.  Imagine the courage it would give you.  Imagine the determination it would leave you with.  Imagine what it might feel like to know that Jesus holds a banner declaring his love for you!  How life transforming it is to see his passion for us.

I was having coffee with one of the people of this church.  I asked them if they knew that God delighted over them.  They asked me how I could say that.  So I showed them this verses from Zephaniah: 'he will rejoice over you with singing' (3:17).  That truth made tears run down their cheek.  'For the Lord takes delight in his people, he crowns the humble with victory' (Ps. 149:4).  The apostle Paul wrote of the Son of God who, 'loved me and gave himself for me' (Gal. 2:20).  

Conclusion

We began by looking at an insecure teenager who was worried about her sun-kissed skin.  The solution to all our anxieties is to be kissed by the Son.  As pray for each other that we might see that Jesus delights in all who have given him their life.  We too should seek to encourage each other, in particular when we can see that God is doing a work in someone's life.

Douglas O'Donnell writes, 'some men would rather die than praise their wives.  But this is their own funeral, the deadly chill of their once warm marriage.'

Dane Ortland advises, 'better to offer too much encouragement creating the possibility of pride, than too little, creating the possibility of discouragement.'

Finally, Tom Gledhill says, 'the phycological effects of praise and affirmation are beneficial to our well-being .... Surely this is an important part of any relationship.  It is the oil that makes the machinery of everyday life run smoothly.  It is the added fill-up on grey days.'

Love one-another as Christ has loved you.

Jesus, what a beautiful name (Song of songs 1:2-4)

Was Jesus beautiful?  If you were take Hollywood as your guide you would assume he was.  It seems that when any film is made about him he is portrayed with beautiful eyes and a winsome smile.  Yet we read in Isaiah that 'he had no majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him' (53:2).  He had no physical beauty.

Yet the Bible highlights the importance of a different type of beauty.  The apostle Paul talks about the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Pet. 3:4).  Jesus described himself as gentle and lowly.  

The Reverend George Good was known to me as 'uncle George'.  He was not actually my uncle but a close family friend.  He died many years ago.  He had been a Methodist missionary in Sri Lanka for some time and had a profound influence on a teenager called Ajith Fernando.  Ajith grew up to become a well known Christian author.  In a number of his books Ajith spoke of the influence of uncle George on him.  Ajith wrote: 'to the pastor of my teenage years, who influenced me in the beauty of godliness.'  

Which matters more to us, the beauty of appearance or the beauty of godliness?  Which do we spend more time cultivating?  

This morning we continue our look at the Song of songs, and we see the young woman longing for her man.  We are going to think about desire, character and intimacy.

Desire (1:2)

I have suggested that this song was written by Solomon, who was a great failure in love, who is writing about a fictional young couple.  As with all of the Old Testament these words point us ahead to Jesus and his work on the cross.  So we will look at these verses both as a reflection of human love and the love we want to pour out on Jesus.

The Song begins with with an expression of desire.  'Kiss me'.  'Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth.'  

It is not wrong to want to be loved.  In fact, it is a sign of emotional sickness when we push everyone away and erect a protective wall around ourself.  It is not wrong to want romantic love.  Although we must remember that the most complete human who ever lived, Jesus Christ, lived and died a virgin.  The love that we need most of all is the love that can be experienced in Jesus Christ.

We grow our love for Jesus by looking at him in the face and meditating about the sacrifice he made so that we can be his.  George Muller wrote, 'Happiness in God comes from seeing God revealed to us in the face of Jesus Christ through the Scriptures.'  

So do we read the Bible simply as a text book trying to acquire knowledge or as a love letter where we can learn about someone we deeply care about and see how to live in the light of his love?

Character (1:3)

This young woman loves everything about her man.  She loves the very smell of him, and she expects others to love him too.  She loves his name.

Here 'name' is a reference to character.  She doesn't just like his looks, she like who he is.  Don't marry someone you can's (or won't) respect.

As I was thinking about his fragrance, which was the result of perfumed oils, I remembered how the Christian is called to be the aroma of Christ (2 Cor.2:15-16).  'We are the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.  To one the fragrance of death to death, to the other the fragrance from life to life.  Who is sufficient for these things?'

The apostle Paul was saying that as we live for Jesus, as we suffer for Jesus, as we speak about Jesus and as his character is formed in us, some will be drawn to his beauty and others will reject him in favour of the fleeting pleasures of the world.

Intimacy (1:4)

'Draw me after you; let us run.  The king has brought me into his chambers' (4a).

It has been pointed out that the young woman does not seem to fit the social expectations of the time--she often takes the initiative.  She actually is telling him to take initiative,  My understanding is that many of our wives get frustrated by our lack of initiative.  

She calls him her king, although he was not a king he was a shepherd.  In Eastern Orthodox churches to this day the couple wear crowns on their wedding day.  A married couple should treat each other as royalty.  

Ray Ortland writes about a young woman called Tara.  Tara worked as an actor in the porn industry.  But God brought her to saving faith.  She then married a Christian.  This is what she says about him: 'My husband knows everything.  And he treats me like a priceless treasure.  I keep wondering, "when is he going to realise I don't deserve his love?"  But he tells me all the time, "I want to spend every day, for the erst of my life, showing you how much Jesus loved you."  And he does.  I had never before seen a man treat a woman like royalty.  It's ridiculously amazing.' 

Men, are we going to objectify woman, looking at them through the eyes of lust, not just with pornography but in our daily glances, or are we going to treat woman as loved by God and made in his image?  

A little while after I preached on these verses a young woman in our church told me that she enjoyed it, but that she wanted to add something.  I treated sexual fantasy as if it was only a male problem.  She pointed out that illicit sexual fantasises are also a problem for many women.    

Finally, notice the chorus.  The girl's friends rejoice in her man (the 'you' is masculine in the Hebrew).  In other words they approve of the girl's choice for husband.  Before you commit yourself to marrying someone make sure that he is someone that those who love you approve of.

Conclusion

Uncle George displayed the beauty of godliness.  How much time do we spend working on our outer appearance, and how much time do we spend on cultivating the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit?

Look at Jesus.  See how he treated people.  See how he treated women.  See the mercy he showed to sexual sinners.  See him dying on the cross for all our lusts.  Remember that his blood cleanses us from the foulest evil.  There is no amount of dirt in our lives that he can't clean up.  As we see his grace to us our love for him will grow.  As we love him we will increasingly want to be rid of filth.

Think of his character.  We want to cultivate the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, and we want to display the fruit of the Spirit that is self-control.  Stop offering excuses.  There is no behaviour so compulsive that Christ doesn't offer the power to overcome.  he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, and he will provide you a way out of temptation (! Cor. 10:13).

Song of songs is a call to intimacy.  It is a call to safe, pure and godly relationships with people.   It is a call to passionate intimacy with Jesus, the lover of our souls.  As we fill our minds with his goodness and gentleness we will know a joy nothing cheaper can bring.  Tim Chester says, ‘battling porn in our lives is not an exercise in denying pleasure.  It’s about fighting pleasure with a greater pleasure.’  Intimacy with a husband or wife is wonderful, but what we were made for is the greater intimacy with God.  You can be completely fulfilled in life without being married, but you won’t experience real life without Jesus.  Our intimacy with him grows as we lean on him for strength and purity.