Uncomfortable questions

‘Where do you think the most dangerous place to be a homosexual is?’ I guessed correctly, ‘Uganda.’ I sort of hoped that the conversation would move away from the topic. These are not comfortable days to be a conservative evangelical who upholds the traditional teaching on sex and marriage. But my friend asked me another difficult question a few minutes later. ‘Does the Bible condemn homosexuality?’ He didn’t want a long answer. He wanted a simple yes or no. How do you give a short answer to such an emotive question?

I told him that I believed that the Bible condemned all sex outside heterosexual marriage. I said that when Jesus condemned sexual immorality he didn’t have to spell out what this meant as the people would have known what was included. Therefore, contrary to what some people say, Jesus forbade homosexual sex. I also mentioned that the apostle Paul appears to condemn homosexual sex, and that while some people try to explain this in terms of a specific cultural context I don’t find such an explanation convincing. I didn’t get time to mention the opening of Genesis, where I believe the debate about sexuality needs to be rooted.

He then said, ‘but is there a specific verse that condemns it?’ He wanted this for a discussion he is having, online, with a Muslim. The specific text that came to mind was from Leviticus (20:13). I mentioned this and tried to explain how Jesus fulfils the Old Testament (Matt. 5:17). Therefore, we respect the Old Testament law as God-given although our relationship with it is changed. Now, this guy is really bright (he is a barrister) but I think he was losing interest as I explained why God’s people in the Old Testament couldn’t wear clothing of mixed fibres whereas we can.

He said he wanted a verse. I told him that I would give him some the following week when we are due to meet up to celebrate Caroline’s birthday. But as I drove home I thought, ‘how will he respond to the fact that the Leviticus text calls for the death penalty for those found guilty of practicing homosexual sex?’

I am not a fan of the death penalty. Not because I think that no one deserves it. In fact, as I watched a report on the trail of Ratco Mladic that evening, I suggested to Caroline that the only appropriate response to his crimes is execution. Yet I struggle with the thought of putting anyone to death. Also, on a practical level, I fear that if the death penalty were a part of our law system there would be some people mistakenly executed. However, you can’t get around the fact that the death penalty exists in the Bible.

In the Old Testament, God’s people were formed into a nation. Therefore, there was no distinction between civil and religious law. The death penalty served, in part, as a reminder that there are certain actions that are simply inconsistent with a claim to be one of God’s people. It removed the offender from God’s covenant community. In that sense it was like the church practice of excommunication. I realise that excommunication has an emotive and troubled history on this island. The church should seek warm friendships with people from all sorts of backgrounds and opinions but removes from its fellowship those who claim that they follow Jesus yet blatantly and persistently refuse to let the Bible shape their lives.

Sadly, the problem with the death penalty is that the Bible says that all of us deserve it. That is shocking to modern ears. I don’t know if my friend will be able to accept this. The Bible teaches us that we are more wretchedly rebellious than we ever realised and that God is more truly holy than we have ever imagined. We have a very little grasp of how repugnant God sees our sin to be. One preacher said that one of the questions we should be asking is ‘how come God saw all the terrible things I have thought and done in the last day and not struck me down dead for them?’ The death penalty is just speeding up the inevitable. We all will die but after death we will face perfect justice. For those who have refused God’s offer of mercy there is a second and eternal death. That is how hell is described.

But the story does not end there. The wages of sin may be death, that’s what we deserve, but the gift of God is eternal life (Rom. 6:23). To guilty people God offers forgiveness. It is offered without compromising God’s awesome passion for justice because it is the result of Christ taking the punishment we owe. God is both just, and the one who justifies those who put their trust in Jesus (Rom. 3:26). This mercy is offered to all guilty people. The Christian is not a person who has lived a faultless life but someone who knows their guilt removed. This forgiveness is offered to all—even to Ratco Mladic.

Next week my friend may ask for the proof-text on homosexuality. I am going to tell him that I wrote a whole blog on our discussion. I hope you read this Philip. I hope that you realise that as someone who claims to be a Christian I am not pretending that I have a more moral past than anyone else. I am just forgiven. While I am now seeking to follow Christ’s lead I am glad that who goes on forgiving my failings.

As for the whole homosexuality question, it is uncomfortable to be out of step with contemporary opinion and run the risk of being judged a bigot. I heard a pastor from a large church in Los Angeles speak about this. His church was friends with many people who were practicing homosexuals. These people loved to come along to hear him speak and enjoy the church gatherings. When it came to talking about homosexuality Erwin addressed these people directly saying, ‘while I may disagree with you I still love you; I hope that you can still love me even though you may disagree with me.’ Is that a more tolerant position than having to always agree with the consensus?

Washed and Waiting

Having had a great time in New Wine we are now in Connemara, five miles from Clifton.  We are staying in Caz's granny's cottage.  She bought it for £100 in the 1960's.  It is very primitive, and because her folks won't let us put toilet paper down the loo (there is a problem with the water supply) I have ventured into town to a local hotel (her parents are burning the used loo paper in the fire).  I am also availing of the hotel's wi-fi. 

At New Wine there was a great seminar taken by a guy called Jonathan Berry, from New Freedom Trust.  Jonathan is a man who has struggled with homosexual desires since he was eight.  He was living with his partner when he ventured into a church and was converted.  He believes the traditional (and I believe biblical) view that sex is to be restricted to heterosexual marriage.  Jonathan could speak with an authority and insight that I, as a happily married heterosexual, could not.

I also purchased a book entitled Washed and Waiting by Wesley Hill.  Hill is also a homosexual Christian who seeks to honour God by living a celibate lifestyle.  The book is thoughtful and is helping me see the pain that such faithful people go through in their desire to please God.  It is also a challenge to develop supportive communities who can help people with all sorts of struggles.

Preach the truth to ourselves

Just a snippet from last night's 'equip'.

Martyn Lloyd Jones once said that we listen to ourselves too much and speak to ourselves too little. We hear our doubts saying, ‘you have been here before and you have failed.’ We need to preach the truth to ourselves. ‘I can do all things through him who strengthens me,’ ‘… he will not let me be tempted beyond that which I can bear’ (1 Cor. 10:13), ‘I am dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus’ (Romans 6:11), ‘God is at work within me to will and act according to his good purpose’ (Philippians 2:13), ‘I am not controlled by the sinful nature but by the Spirit …’ (Romans 8:9), ‘If I live by the Spirit I will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature’ (Gal. 5:16). Don’t buy into the belief that defeat is inevitable. Strengthen yourself with the truth. This is more than the power of positive thinking. This is realising the truth of God’s Word. This is truth that transforms. Remember that God’s word is sharper than a double-edged sword (Hebrews 4:12) and is at work within those who believe (1 Thess. 2:13). Obedience is a real option!

Count yourselves dead to sin ...

We have been working through The Pursuit of Holiness in our Tuesday night Bible Studies.  This morning I have been preparing for next week.  Jerry Bridges speaks about 'reckoning' that we are dead to sin (Romans 6:11).  At the end of the chapter he comments:

So we see that God has made provision for our holiness.  Through Christ He has delivered us from sin’s reign so that we now can resist sin.  But the responsibility for resisting is ours.  God does not do that for us.  To confuse the potential for resisting (which God provided) with the responsibility for resisting (which is ours) is to court disaster in our pursuit of holiness.

Did Jesus condone homosexual sex?

The statement is often made by those that would like to revise the Church's traditional teaching on sexuality that Jesus never condemned homosexual sex.  I see a couple of weaknesses in this line of argument.

Firstly, as Nick pointed out in his letter to the Methodist Newsletter, this is an argument from silence.  There no written statement of Jesus condoning homosexual sex either  We can actually infer what Jesus thought on this issue.  As Andreas Kostenberger points out, the fact that there is no record of Jesus commenting on the subject suggests that this was not a controversial issue in first-century Palestine.  Jesus endorsed the Old Testament and claimed to be its fulfilment (Matthew 5:17).  As the fulfilment of the Mosaic law Jesus changes our relationship with it (e.g. the sacrificial system pointed to his sacrifice on the cross so it is no longer needed).  How does Jesus change our relationship with the prohibition on homosexual sex?  Presumably in the way he changes our relationship with other sexual practices, by deepening their challenge (e.g. Matthew 5:27-28).

Secondly, we must not create a hierarchy of Scripture.  Paul writes that 'all Scripture' is God-breathed (2 Tim. 3:16).  The fact that homosexual sex is condemned in some parts of the Bible (e.g. Genesis 19, I am aware of the revisionist interpretations of this passage and find them utterly unconvincing) and is not mentioned in other parts of the Bible is irrelevant.  This is the problem with 'Red-letter' editions that put Jesus' words in red print, as if there were a hierarchy of Scriptural revelation.  

A third point, that should be made on this issue, is that even if a genetic or hormonal explanation was proven to be a factor in homosexual orientation this would not negate Scripture's prohibition on homosexual sex.  Again Ardeas Kostenberger explains: 'even if homosexuality could be proven to be genetic, this would still not make it morally acceptable, for a genetic predisposition toward an act or behaviour can never be the proper basis for determining its moral legitimacy.'    

A few years ago Erwin McManus spoke at J.M.C.  His church attracted a number of homosexual visitors.  He welcomed them in love.  However, when he came to speak on this issue he also spoke with faithfulness.  He said to his homosexual friends, 'you know that I love you despite the fact that I don't agree with all that you believe; now I am asking you to continue to love me even though you will not agree with all I believe.'  I thought that his example was an inspiration.       

How to overcome temptation

In a couple of weeks time I will be taking the 'Engage' older teens for the last in a four part series on Sex.  We have been using Scott Perry's little book called Sex, which I would recommend.  I like to introduce each session with a testimony etc.  The last session is on 'Pornography' so I had to think carefully what words I would type in to search for suitable material from YouTube.  I came across the following from Josh Harris.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDa90kth48w&feature=related

Is Jesus homophobic?

I had a feeling that some of our young people had not thought through, from a Christian persepctive, issues surrounding sexuality.  As a result I am taking the teenagers in the church fortnightly to work through this topic.  I have really been helped in this by Scott Perry's little book entitled Sex.  This is availible from the Good Book Company.  This evening we are answering the question, 'Is Jesus homophobic?' 

Perry roots his teaching on God's plan of Genesis 2.  Then he brings us to the hope of the gospel as demonstrated in in 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.

I am going to start the study by showing the following testimony.
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAXc8jCOmAw

The greater pleasure of purity

I have read two short books on sexual purity recently.  They are 'Sex is not the problem ... Lust is', by Joshua Harris and 'The Purity Principle', by Randy Alcorn.  I would highly recommend both, although if I was to recommend just one of them I would tell you to read 'The Purity Principle.'

Interestingly they both give the following quote from John Piper:

The fire of lust's pleasures must be fought with the fire of God's pleasures.  If we try to fight the fire of lust with prohibitions and threats alone - even the terrible warnings of Jesus - we will fail.  We must fight it with a massive promise of superior happiness.  We must swallow up the little flicker of lust's pleasure in the conflagration of holy satisfaction.

One gospel for straight and gay

In Desire and Deceit Albert Mohler writes:

Salvation and repentance must be preached to homosexuals - and to heterosexuals as well. East of Eden, not one of us has come before God as sexually pure and whole, even if we have never committed an illicit sexual act. Our ministry to homosexuals is not as the sinless ministering to sinners, but as fellow sinners who bear testimony to the reality of salvation through faith in Jesus Christ.

The gospel always comes both as judgement and grace. But the last word must always be grace. Our duty is to tell the truth about homosexuality and to name it as Scripture names it. But our responsibility hardly ends there, for the next task is to speak the word of grace, and to present the gospel of salvation by grace through faith in Jesus Christ as our substitute, by whose blood we were brought with a price.

Temptation and escape

Years ago Billy Graham was interviewed by Sir David Frost. He was asked outright, ‘Are you ever tempted by the lusts of the flesh?’

In response he told the following story. 'One of my evangelist colleagues was in Paris some years ago and one night he phoned me. He said that he had been to a Christian meeting and as he walked back to his hotel past some of the seedy night clubs and sex shops of Pigale he felt these powerful temptations to give in . . . He said, "Billy I just want you to know that was the battle that was going on within me last night, but this is what I did. I took the key to my hotel room, locked the door from the inside and I threw the key out of the window so I couldn’t get myself out of the room for the rest of the night. It was the only way I figured I would be able to fight it."'

Then Billy Graham went on to say to David Frost: ‘If you are tempted God has promised to provide a way of escape. If it was Joseph who had to leave his garment behind and flee or this evangelist who locked himself in his room. I tell you the Holy Spirit provides a way for Christians to escape and the world does not know this.’

Ravi Zacharias comments on this topic, 'You see God changes not only what we do but what we want to do . . . The Holy Spirit didn’t miraculously throw the key out of that window, the evangelist had to do that, but it was the Holy Spirit who gave him the desire.'

Ephesians 5:21-33 ‘Spirit-filled marriage’

Jim is man about the house. He has a job, and so he pays the bills. He takes great pride in that. When he and his wife Joan watch television, he guards the remote control, he sees it as his right—‘after all who do you think paid for that thing?’
Jim keeps Joan in her place. She isn’t particularly happy, she always wanted to be a teacher, but they married young and there were children before she had finished her training. Recently she thought about going back to college, but Jim said, ‘don’t be stupid, you couldn’t do that’, and so she didn’t. In truth Jim just wanted to keep things the way they were, it suits him that way, besides he was a bit worried that she might end up earning more than he does.
And on the odd occasion when Jim’s conscience suggests to him that he should help around the house, he thinks to himself—‘sure that what she’s here to do?’
Jim doesn’t know anything about what a Christian marriage is supposed to look like!

In Ephesians 5 the Apostle Paul talks about being filled with the Spirit. As the Holy Spirit fills us certain things ought to happen, including submitting to one another in love out of reverence for Christ. In the verses that we are looking at the Apostle shows how this Spirit-filled attitude should look in marriage.

The role of the wife (verses 22-24)
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
Let’s be clear, this verse is not about who does the housework or washes the car. It does not mean that wives are not allowed have their own opinion or that couples shouldn’t work things out together. Neither is there anything here to suggest that women are inferior to men—male and female are equal in being ‘made in the image of God’. But in marriage these equal partners are given different roles and responsibilities. The husband is given the primary responsibility to take the lead and the wife is to humbly submit to his leadership and care.

The wife’s submission is primarily about attitude. She is to accept the role that he has been given and she should be encouraging the responsibility that is his. You will see in verse 33 that her attitude is to be one of respect towards him—wives you may be more aware of your husband’s failings than anyone else but avoid the temptation to have a critical spirit towards him, instead choose to respect him.

The Apostle Paul gives the reason why wives should submit to their husband’s leadership. You are to submit to him as to the Lord—you are to submit to him as you submit to Jesus—for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. As one preacher explains, marriage ‘is meant to be a reflection of how the church relates to her Saviour Jesus. Jesus is the ultimate head of the church, and the church submits to him and his care and protection.’ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Don’t make it hard for your husband to lead! Don’t knock him when he shows initiative. Don’t let yourself be his worst critic, instead seek to be his greatest encourager!

The role of the husband (25-31)
It is worth noting that Paul addresses more than twice as many verses to the husbands as to the wives. Clearly the husbands in Ephesus needed help!

Verse 25, Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. We are to love our wives in the same way that Jesus loves his people. Jesus who gave himself up for us—this is primarily a reference to the cross! The cross is our model for being a good husband. That means we are called to show our wives sacrificial love!

Do we demonstrate sacrificial love in our use of time? Our wives need our time! If we can’t give our wives the time then maybe we need to change job, be less absorbed in our hobbies or do less in church. Have our wives forgotten what it is like to be taken out on a date?

Do we demonstrate sacrificial love in being willing to help around the house? Couples should sit down and talk through all that needs to be done in the home. No man should leave it all to his wife. No wife should feel taken for granted in this way!

As well as practicing sacrificial love you are to be your wife’s beauty-therapist. This has nothing to do with make-up, manicures, or conditioners—it’s their spiritual beauty that we are to influence. The Apostle Paul tells us that Christ gave himself up for us to make us holy. That one day, because of his work in our lives, we will be presented before him without stain or wrinkle or blemish, but holy and blameless. Then in verse 28 he says, in the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. Just as Jesus’ influence on our life brings holiness, so our influence on our wives lives is to encourage her to grow in her faith.

On the evening that I proposed to Caroline she said that she wanted to help me to be all that I could be in the Lord. If I had been on the ball I would have realised that I needed to be able to say the same thing to het. We are to encourage them to use the gifts and capabilities God has given them. We are to help them grow in Christ-likeness. We are to let them blossom as confident, joyous and mature Christian women!

One of the key ways that we can encourage her as a Christian is to spend time praying with her. Praying together is essential for a healthy Christian marriage. Try to put aside time each day where you read the Bible together, where you listen to each others concerns, where you share concerns for others and then pray with each other.

Love her with a sacrificial love, be her spiritual beauty-therapist and make her concerns your own. Verse 28, He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but feeds it and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. In marriage the husband and wife become one flesh, so husbands are to see their wives concerns as being our own concerns, and as we care for ourselves we are to care for them. One thing to say about this: you will never be fully awake to her needs if you are not properly listening to what see is telling you. We need good and deep lines of communication!

A profound mystery (verses 31- 32)
The Apostle Paul then quotes from Genesis 2: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

Sex involves a profound union. The Bible is absolutely clear that the only place for this is in marriage. The Bible also encourages married couples to keep their sex-lives alive. You have better things to do than staying up late watching TV together!

Having quotes Genesis 2 the Apostle Paul then writes, This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. This profound mystery that Paul is writing about is the union of Jesus with his church (with those who love him). This is a union of which marriage is a picture. As husbands ought to love their wives so Christ loves his people; as wives are to enjoy and respond to the care of their husbands so those who know Jesus enjoy his love and care; and in particular as husband and wife become one flesh in sexual intimacy we have an illustration of the intimacy of the personal relationship that Jesus offers to all who come to him. This is why this passage is so comforting to those who are single and those who are married. Whether you are single or whether you are married Jesus offers us something that surpasses marriage, something of which marriage, as it is meant to be, is an illustration—he offers us a personal, loving, intimate relationship with God through him.

Conclusion
Verse 33, brings us back to earthly marriages: However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

The more I think about this verse the more I realise how it understands the nature of men and women.

Women long to be cherished—so husbands choose to love your wives. Choose to love her even when she does not appear to be lovely to you. Go out of your way to love her. Show her practical care. Take seriously your responsibility to lead in marriage for her good. You are to love her with a sacrificial love, be her spiritual beauty-therapist and care for her needs!

Men long to be respected. So wives respect your husbands. You might know how imperfect he is but choose to respect him. It crushes men when their wives put then down—that is why it is so tempting to do it when he annoys you. It is so sad to see a wife who belittles her husband!

There is more to life than finding Mr/Mrs Perfect. Marriage is a picture of something far greater—the intimate relationship we can enjoy with God through Jesus. This is our ultimate goal whether we are single or married. And if you are married you are called to honour God being wedded to the one you now realise is Mr/Mrs Far-from-perfect! In all that we do may the Holy Spirit fill us to live lives in reverence to Christ.

Purity (part 4) ‘The Plan for Purity’

Having thought about the costs of impurity and the opportunity of purity; the challenge not to tolerate a position of compromise; and the particular vulnerabilities we face whether we are male or female, married or single, I want to talk about how we can go about striving for purity. I have listed six Biblical insights below.

Remember grace: You can be pretty sure that almost everyone we meet has struggled and failed in the area of sexual purity. It is easy to feel a hypocrite writing about a topic such as this. However we should not let our defeats leave us defeated. I love the line in the Book of Common Prayer that reads, ‘we weep and bewail our manifold sins and transgressions’—there is a godly sorrow that leads to repentance (2 Cor. 7:10). Yet having truly confessed our sins we must move on to gratefully acknowledging that they are forgiven. It is not God’s intention that we should keep on beating ourselves up over past failures. We are to know the joy of having our past dealt with and so live a life striving for thankful obedience.

Run for your life: Flee sexual immorality (1 Cor. 6:18). We must run away from those things that will tempt us. If we are hiring a DVD we should look down to the age classification and when that says ‘may contain scenes of moderate sexual activity’ we should get another movie. If our drive to work brings us by a large billboard with a half dressed model that always grabs our attention then we might need to go another route. If someone we are tempted by is at a certain place at a certain time then we need to make sure we are in a different place at that time.

Deal with your eyes and ears. Rico Tice, the presenter of the Christianity Explored course, had a technician come in to remove Channel 5 from his television, because of the type of sexual programs they were showing at that time. He wanted to make himself blind to that temptation because he says found it very difficult to have that channel and want to go on being a Christian. That’s the sort of thing that Jesus means when he says, ‘If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out. And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell. And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell . . .’ (Mark 9:43-47). Jesus is using figurative language to show how seriously we must deal with sin. For sin ultimately seeks to lead us away from God, to destroy our faith, and lead us to hell.

How, for example, do we become blind to the page three girls? Buy a paper that doesn’t contain such pictures or rip that page out before you open it (and we’ll have to have a strategy for other pictures in the paper as well).

Be accountable. When we become Christians we are made members of a family. We are brothers and sisters of every other believer. Groups of this family meet in local church fellowships. We are to have a role in each others lives as we encourage and challenge each other, as well as bear one another’s burdens. In the area of purity we are to support one another. I would suggest that if we take purity seriously we should find someone with whom we can be accountable. They will help us and we will seek to help them. This person should obviously be a friend be of the same gender (if your struggle is with same-sex attraction this becomes a little more complicated and you need to choose wisely) with whom you can be really honest and talk in a mature way.

If you are married you might not be sure how open you should be with your spouse about these things. We don’t want to pretend that we are someone that we are not. Yet our spouse might not want to know about everything that tempts us or be told about every person we are attracted to. An accountability partner who knows our spouse should be able to help us decide how to talk to our spouse about these things.

If you are married then enjoy your spouse. The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control (1 Cor. 7:3-5).

Let’s be clear that there is never an excuse for a married person to have a sexual relationship with any other person than their own husband or wife. We are not even to think about such things. That being said if we deny our spouse sexual contact we are increasing the level of temptation they face. Paul is not saying that we demand sex from our spouse—that would be unloving. He is saying that we should see sex as a way of helping them. In marriage sex isn’t just about our desires but also takes into account the desires of our spouse. It is easy to neglect this aspect of marriage but it is not godly.

Depend on God. True purity takes place in relationship with the one who can deal with our rebellious hearts. In Galatians 5 we read that the acts of the sinful nature include sexual immorality and impurity but that the fruit of the Spirit includes self-control. As a result we are to keep in step with the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3 says that we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit—the Holy Spirit actively changes us in a way that we could never change ourselves. Paul tells the Philippians For it is God who works in you to will and act according to his good purpose (2:13)—this means that we don’t sit back and passively expect God to transform us without our action, neither are we to grit our teeth and expect to be able to transform ourselves, rather we co-operate with God as he enables and we strive. If we want purity then we need to develop lives that are growing in relationship with God, that look to him for the ongoing help that we need, and that are motivated by his glory in all we do, think and say.

The psalmist asks ‘How can a young man keep his way pure?' And answers ‘By living according to your word’ (Ps. 119:9). May God enable us to put these Biblical principles into practice that we might bring glory to Him as we grow in purity!

Purity (part 3) ‘Eyes and ears’

It is said that men are primarily tempted through their eyes whereas women are more tempted through their ears. We men are simple creatures, parade a provocatively dressed woman in front of us and we will struggle. It doesn’t matter if we have never spoken to her or if she is hot tempered and mean spirited, we easily separate the figure from character. Women don’t detach personality and body so easily. That’s not to say that women can’t be base—it isn’t just the girls in the Diet Coke ads that engage in cheap lust.

‘For a woman the battle often begins in a heart full of disappointment’, so it says in the forward to the book Every Woman’s Battle. If you are married you may be increasingly aware of your husband’s failings. He is not as attentive as he used to be when you were dating. He is not as thoughtful as he was in the early days of your marriage. He snores, leaves the loo seat up, keeps his side of the bed in a mess, has bad breath in the morning, doesn’t dress to impress and has put on a few pounds.

The temptation for wives is to compare your husbands with other men. These men might be real or imagined, people you know or actors on the screen. Your husband’s shortcomings are worsened by their charm. Of course you are being naïve. The charmer may actually be a grump, the joker maybe a cynic and the sensitive guy may be tetchy. But your naivety is not as big a problem as your unfaithfulness. You might never lay your finger on another man but give your heart to the thought of many men. You might not think a sexually explicit thought of them but develop an emotional attachment to them.

Marriage isn’t about finding our spouse more attractive than any other person we may meet. Wives, there will be men who are more attractive to you than your husband. Husbands, there will be women who are more attractive to you than your wives. But our love isn’t based on living in a world full of less attractive people; it’s based on the commitment made with our marriage. It’s based on the opportunity to honour God in our marriage by loving our spouse despite all their imperfections. It won’t always be easy but it is something we must strive for by God’s grace.

Single men need to take care about what they look at just like married men. Like those who are married single women need to ensure that they do not develop unhealthy attractions. If you are dating you face particular temptations. Don’t let the guy go further than he should just to keep him attracted to you. Guys don’t act in such a way that leaves you uncomfortable to realise that God sees all we do. If you consider marriage there are questions you should be asking before you even start going out with someone—‘Does this person share my love for Jesus?’ ‘Am I willing to respect and honour them?’ ‘Are they the sort of person I could commit myself to?’

Purity (part 2) 'Compromise verses purity'

Purity calls for more than not committing adultery, we are not to flirt with people’s spouses either. Purity calls for more than abstaining from pornography, we are not to dwell on lingerie ads. Purity involves the TV that we watch, the jokes we share, the way we act with people and the way that we think about them.

We are called to the sort of purity that does not tolerate compromise. The Apostle Paul writes, ‘But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of impurity, or greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people’ (Eph. 5:3). So often we tolerate more than a hint of sexual impurity in our lives.

The couple who are dating might not be sleeping together but they kiss in such a way that really turns them on—that’s more than a hint of sexual immorality! A wife might not be cheating on her husband but she likes to forget that she is married when she watches that George Clooney film—that’s more than a hint of sexual immorality! A man may never have bought Playboy but he does check out the women as he drives his car—that’s more than a hint of sexual immorality!

Perhaps we have settled for a compromise. We think that we are no worse than most. To aim at true purity seems too much to ask. Maybe we have tried hard and failed often and we just think real purity is beyond us. We might enjoy our compromises too much to let them go. We might hide behind excuses: ‘sure I’m only human’, ‘compared to some other Christians I do okay in this department.’ What does such compromise say about out confidence in God’s grace and our commitment to Christ as our king?

Purity (part 1) 'Costs and the opportunities'

Fred Stoeker couldn’t understand why he felt cold and distant from God during the singing every Sunday in church. He sensed a wall of separation between himself and the Lord. After some heart-searching he discovered what was wrong.

Every Sunday morning before church, as he looked through the morning paper, he would quickly find the department store inserts and spend time paging through the coloured newsprint filled with models who were smiling in their underwear. He loved to linger over each ad. ‘It’s wrong’, he admitted to himself, ‘but it’s such a small thing.’ ‘It’s a far cry from Playboy,’ he reasoned. When Fred thought about his Sunday morning routine, his sense of humour, and the way he allowed himself lust after many of the women he saw each day he knew that he had a problem with sexual sin.

Don’t get me wrong! Of course it’s possible to enjoy singing songs and be living a life of compromise. There can also be innocent reasons why we are not connecting with the music in church or are struggling to feel intimate with God. But be sure of this, sin does deaden our relationship with God, it slowly erodes our responsiveness to him—that was what Fred was experiencing those Sunday mornings.

We may enjoy the pleasures of lust but don’t imagine that these pleasures come without a cost. Those of us who are married will know how shame makes us cautious about being honest with our spouse. When we lust over someone are allowing ourselves be enslaved by wrong desires and we dishonour the person we drool at. Most importantly, if we are Christians, it makes it harder to look God in the face and involves walking at a distance from him.

On the other hand purity presents us with wonderful opportunities. If we are married it honours our spouse when we seek to be faithful in our thoughts (if you are not married it may honour a potential spouse). Purity makes us more comfortable with ourselves as we don’t have to deal with the feelings of shame and hypocrisy that lust leaves. Most importantly, striving for purity gives us the opportunity to seek God’s glory in our lives. Through the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit God gives us the help needed to live lives of thankfulness to him as we seek to please him with our secret thoughts and our public actions.


This autumn in Café church we are going to do a series on purity, singleness and marriage. In a few blogs I want to work through the thoughts that will make up the talk on purity.