How to deal with fault-finders

So Jude, the half-brother of Jesus, describes the false-teachers who caused his readers to doubt their faith as 'faultfinders' (Jude 16).  What an apt description of those that we might think of as super-spirituals!  they may not be false-teachers, but they certainly can find faults!

But why are some people - Christian or not - so intent of finding fault in others?  What motivates them?  What causes some people to always seem critical?  I thought about this, and came to no solid conclusion.  I asked a friend of mine, who is a psychologist, and she seemed not to know what made them tick.

I suspect that many people who have an obviously critical attitude are the children of people who are faultfinders.  Thinking of those I know who are prone to a critical attitude it seemed that they are driven more by a possible inferiority complex than any superiority complex.  There may be a need to justify themselves, and self-justification is always comparative justification ('I am okay because I am as good as, or better than, them', or as one Pharisee prayed to himself, 'I thank you God that I am not like other people').  They may be people with a competitive personality.

However, whatever contributes to someone having a faultfinding personality, the fact of the matter is that the root cause is the sinful nature.  Upbringing and environment may tempt someone towards harsh criticism, but these facts do not excuse it.  In Galatians the Apostle Paul says that the the deeds of the sinful nature are obvious.  They include things like hatred, discord, jealousy, dissensions, factions and envy (Gal. 5:20-21).  All these attitudes contribute toward a desire to put people down.  

So, what do we do with these acts of the sinful nature?  I think the starting place is to own-up to the fact that we ourselves are prone to having a critical attitude.  We are vulnerable to comparative justification.  We don't fully understand ourselves until we see that root of all sin lies within us.  Then we need to do the opposite of satisfying the works of the sinful nature, by walking in the Spirit.  We are told that the fruit of the Holy Spirit includes love, joy, peace, kindness and gentleness (Gal. 5:22-23).  I would suggest that when love, kindness and gentleness are the dominating characteristics in our lives it going to be impossible for us to be harsh faultfinders.

Such walking in the Spirit is tied to preaching the gospel to ourselves.  We need to be reminding ourselves that God does not treat us as our sins deserve but according to His loving-kindness (Ps. 103:10).  It is possible to have an attitude towards knowledge that just leaves us puffed up (1 Cor. 8:1), but actually knowledge of God is designed to transform us (1 Thess. 2:13).  It is as we look at the cross that we see what true love is (1 John 3:16).  It is as we think about how much we have been forgiven that we love much (Luke 7:47), it as as we realise how much we are loved that we are enabled to love others (1 John 4:19).

But what about helping those we know who are notorious faultfinders?  I suggest that we begin by seeking God's help to love them.  When I asked a senior pastor his advice on how to deal with a difficult person in church he said, 'let them be in no doubt that you love them.'  That can be hard.  Then, seeking to speak to them in love, we might model confident-vulnerability.  We must not act like those who claim to be without sin (1 John 1:8).  When we are real with people about our struggles, that enables them to be real with us.  If a faultfinder has grown up ion an atmosphere of faultfinding then they may never have felt the freedom to be real with anyone before.  But you have to be careful, there are some people who may be intent of slandering you.  Faultfinders tend not to be safe people to open up to.  I have even blocked (a phone number and Facebook account) some people who I felt would use whatever I said against me.  Finally, there may come a time when the person needs to be confronted about their faultfinding.  The temptation is never to address the fault-finding friend about this sin.  We are not to be driven to inaction by fear of people.  In this letter to Titus, the apostle Paul tells us to warn the divisive person once, then twice, and then having nothing to do with them (Titus 3:10).

However, we must remember the purpose of the discipline Paul calls us to enact is that the person might come to repentance (1 Cor. 5:5).  It is not about spite, but praying that God wakes them up.  This process of discipline must also be done in community (Matt. 18:17).  One of the problems of the super-spiritual Christian is that they tend to reach judgements about people on their own.  There is to be no place for making unilateral declarations about people, that are rooted in spite and have no concern about the person's well-being.