However, she did come with
instructions! Those instructions are in
the Bible. The Proverbs have a lot to
say about raising children. We are just
going to look at some of it.
You
must not shelter your child from the world
In chapter one we learn that the
fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom
(1:7). Your great aim for your children
must be that they fear God. Fearing God
is not being afraid of God but living in a delighted awe and reverence before
God. You could say this this is your
only aim for your children, for everything else in life is merely window-dressing.
One of the things that makes
raising children difficult is that society is not enthusiastic about the
Christian faith. You are raising
children in a world that wants to draw them away from the Christianity. The temptation would be to protect them by
sheltering them from the world. But that
would be a mistake!
But this wisdom is not found in
the safety of a Christian bubble. This
wisdom is found as you engage with the real world. ‘Wisdom cries out in the street, in the
market place she raised her voice’ (1:8).
Your children will be attracted to your faith when they see that you can
live an authentic Christian life as you rub shoulders with all sorts of people.
One researcher in America found
that teens were most likely to follow the Christian faith of their parents when
they felt that their parents understood the world, understood their world, and
understood the problems they faced in the world.
You
must live in the world, but you must not be shaped by the world
This book is primarily the words
of a father and a mother to their son (1:8).
Begin the teaching them straight away, because the window of most
influence is short. ‘Start
children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will
not turn from it’ (22:6). I am not
as disciplined about praying with our children as I should be, and I hate all
the opportunities I miss to influence them.
This task of teaching your child
the gospel is an every-moment task. I
love what Moses teaches about speaking to your children God’s commands. ‘… Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when
you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up’ (Deuteronomy
6:6-7). Caroline is wonderful at
integrating faith talk into everyday conversation.
It is not just your words that
count. Your example matters. Your children will not be attracted to our
faith if it is not consistent. They will
smell hypocrisy if you are one person in church and another at home. We have to be able to say to our children, ‘My son [or daughter], give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways’ (23:26). We
must engage meaningfully in the world, but we must not be shaped by the world.
Your children won’t learn gospel
humility if you are reluctant to confess your sins. They need to hear you say ‘sorry’ often. It is sobering to realise how much our
attitudes and actions affect the children who watch us. Your temper, how you speak about people, how
you use your money and your attitudes all have a bigger impact on those who
look up to you than you realise. Chuck
Swindoll reminds us that, ‘each day we make deposits in the memory banks of our
children.’
Your
children must not always get their way
Parents, you have little monsters
on your hands. They might be cute, but
these are no little angels that you are dealing with. You don’t have to teach your children to be
selfish and self-centred. One of the
first things a child does is grab. Tragically, ‘foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child’ (22:15).
Proverbs tells us that we are to
start a child off in the way they should go (22:6a). It does not say, set them off in the way that
they want to go. Parenting involves a
battle of wills. They don’t naturally
want what is best for them. They won’t naturally regulate their screen time;
they won’t volunteer to eat vegetables; and, they won’t fall in love with Jesus
without instruction.
When you deny them what they will
see this as proof that ‘you don’t love me!’
However, the truth is that the parent who always lets their child get
their way is the one who does not love their children. ‘Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is
careful to discipline them’ (13:26).
Of course, discipline can be
badly done (which is not really discipline at all). It is easier to shout at them from the couch
than leave the television, explain why what they have done is wrong and punish
them appropriately. We must not
discipline through a hot temper.
Children need to know that they are the object of powerful,
unconditional, cherishing love (even when they are in trouble). ‘For I too was a son of my father … and cherished
by my mother’ (4:3).
‘Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline will drive it far away’ (22:15). Discipline teaches children that there is
such a thing as right and wrong. Without
discipline they will struggle to understand the goodness and holiness of
God. Discipline teaches them that
actions have consequences. Without
discipline they will get themselves in all sorts of trouble. Discipline teaches them that sin should be
punished, and we point them to the gracious God who forgives, and whose Son
took the final punishment that they deserve.
Discipline reminds them that the God calls his forgiven people to a life
of holiness and stops them making a wreck of their faith.
Discipline must be balanced with
praise. A woman called Melissa Kruger,
‘Praise is a powerful tool and a blessing for children. It helps them to know what’s right, and at
the same time communicates that you care about them … our children need us to
be watching them for right behaviour, every bit as much as correcting wrong
behaviour.’ Catch them doing good! Encourage them to realise that the God who
sees all that we do delights when we act in love for him. Remember the power of words. ‘Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the
soul and healing to the bones’ (16:24).
You
mustn’t just pray for their happiness
The Bible is aware that sometimes
parents who teach their children to love the Lord, end up with children who do
not follow Jesus. We remember that
wonderful father Jesus spoke, who had two sons who did not love what he stood
for.
It was reading an article on how
to pray for prodigals. It said that, ‘It’s
incredibly hard to pray for anything but a comfortable, successful, and
pain-free life for our children, but as Christian parents, the greatest eternal
good that we can pray for them is their salvation over their earthly happiness
or comfort. We have to fight for them in
this world filled with temporary pleasures, self-gratification, and blurry
lines—entrusting their lives to our Lord—even if the path of salvation comes
through pain. I am eternally grateful’
the writer said, ‘that my parents loved me enough to pray for my brokenness, a
brokenness that would lead to healing … It’s only when we have completely
surrendered our children to him that we can pray, “Father, use what you must to
save my child from an eternity apart from you, no matter what the cost.”’ You mustn’t just pray for your children’s
happiness!
Conclusion—Parenting
is a privilege
Someone asked Billy Graham why
no-one had explained to them how hard it was to be a parent. He replied, ‘I’m sure that almost every
parent can echo your frustration, for it’s hard being a parent—very hard. It’s not just exhausting physically, but
emotionally and spiritually as well. In
fact, parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world.
But it can also be one of the
most satisfying, if we learn to look beyond the immediate problems and
heartaches and begin to see things from God’s point of view. After all, God gave your children to you, and
He did it because they need the love and wisdom only you can give them …
In other words, God has given you
one of the greatest privileges imaginable: the privilege of helping shape the
future of another human being. Someday
you children will no longer live with you—but what will their memories be? …
Don’t let your frustrations or weariness crowd out your love.
Father,
please forgive us for our shortcomings as parents. Help us not lose heart when they respond in
disobedience. May we be firm and
serious, warm and affectionate. And
please keep us from giving up on those children who have strayed from the faith
their parents taught them. Amen.
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