Thursday, 12 July 2012

Keller quotes on marriage

'When I married my wife, I had hardly a smidgen of sense for what I was getting into with her.  How could I know how much she would change over 25 years?  How could I know how much I would change?  My wife has lived with at least five different men since we were wed - and each of the five has been me.'  Lewis Smedes.
'When you first fall in love, you think you know the person, but you don't really.  You can't know who the person is right away.  That takes years.  You actually love your idea of the person - and that is always, at first, one dimensional and somewhat mistaken.'  Tim Keller

'When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him- or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience.  To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial.  To be known and not loved is our greatest fear.  But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.'  Tim Keller.

Keller points out that longitudinal studies reveal that two-thirds or unhappy marriages will become happy within five years if people stay married and do not get divorced.
'One of the most basic skills in marriage is the ability to tell the straight, unvarnished truth about what your spouse has done - and then, completely, unself-righteously, and joyously express forgiveness without a shred of superiority, without making the person feel small.  This does not mean you cannot express anger.  In fact, if you never express anger, your truth-telling probably won't sink in.  But forgiving grace must always be present, and if it is, it will, like salt in meat, keep your anger from going bad ...'
'... if your definition of "love" stresses affectionate feelings more than unselfish actions, you will cripple your ability to maintain and grow strong love relationships.  On the other hand, if you stress the action of love over the feeling, you enhance and establish the feeling.  that is one of the secrets of living life, as well as of marriage.'

'A lack of "sexual compatibility" might not be a lack of love making skill at all.  It may be a sign of deeper problems in the relationship.  It is often the case that, if those problems are addressed, the sexual intimacy improves.'

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