Monday, 7 May 2012

Selfish Lovers and Servant Lovers

Chapter nine of the Driscolls' book Real Marriage is about the need for humility and generosity.  It is part of the section on sex.  Caroline and I have found that marriage has exposed our selfishness. 

Some quotes from the book:
'The pattern of selfishness is so deeply woven into the fabric of our lives that it takes years of marriage to even begin to deal with the problem and move from "me" to "we" ... It takes between nine and fifteen years for a couple to become not entirely unselfish, but rather less selfish, and begin to shift from "me" to "we".'
'Your spouse is the most sanctifying, and often most frustrating, relationship you will have.  God will use our spouses to expose our selfishness and make us to be increasingly more humble servants like Jesus Christ.'
'For a wife, sex comes out of a healthy relationship, whereas, for a husband it leads to one.'

The Driscolls talk about the 'little foxes' (Songs 2:15) that disturb the love in marriage.  Things like time-keeping, impatience, strong language, name-calling etc.  Couples need to work together to help each other in these areas.  

They mention the need to be sexually available to your spouse (1 Cor. 7:3-5), encouraging free and frequent sex.  They point out that Martin Luther counselled couples to have sex twice a week (hooray for Luther).  They point out that decreased sexual activity and interest begins in  the first two years of marriage.  A frigthening statistic is that around 15% of married Americans have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year.  In a previous era in Boston a man was excommunicated because he refused to have sex with his wife for two years (the Puritans are often misunderstood.

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