There is only one marriage that truly satisfy (Song of songs 5:2-6:3)
Our first couple of years of marriage were difficult. For my part I had always cultivated an image
of being a nice guy, but now Caroline was close enough to see past that. I had never had to confront my issues with
anger. My anger is not explosive, rather
it withdraws. I huff. I stew in resentment.
They say that love is blind and that marriage is a great
eye-opener. I think that there is some
truth in that. You can hide your
sinfulness if you keep people at a distance, but if they get really close they
are going to see you, warts and all.
There is a book of marriage entitled, ‘When sinners say “I
do”’. On Goodreads someone explained
that ‘When sinners say “I do”’ is about encountering the life-transforming
power of the gospel in the unpredictable journey of marriage. What we need for marriage, and for our
relationship with friends and family, is a clear understanding of the gospel.
We get angry because
we are selfish
What we see in today’s verses is less idealistic than
anything we have seen so far in the Song of songs. The couple struggle: he seems to be inconsiderate,
she seems selfish, there is violence in the neighbourhood and friends are
unsupportive.
It seems to be that they have arranged to share a time of
intimacy. She has washed her body, and has
now waited for hours. Finally, she gives
up and goes to bed. Then he turns up and
knocks at the door. He doesn’t give an
apology or an explanation, only some sweet talk.
She describes the scene: ‘I slept, but my heart was
awake. A sound! My beloved is knocking. “Open to me my sister, my love, my dove, my
perfect one, for my hand is wet with dew, my locks are wet with the drops of
night”’ I had put off my garment; how could I put it on? I had bathed my feet; how could I soil them?’
(2-3).
She is annoyed with him, and she doesn’t let him in. She couldn’t be bothered, and lets him stand
wet outside the door. If he is inconsiderate,
she is lazy and selfish. So, he heads
off into the night. Douglas O’Donnell writes, ‘couples might argue about money,
sex or in-laws (all externals). But I
have found that the root problem in marital conflict and the greatest obstacle
to intimacy is selfishness.’
Don’t
forget to see your spouse as special
But something changes.
‘My beloved put his hand to the latch, and my heart was thrilled within
me. I came to open to my beloved and my
hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with liquid myrrh, on the handles of the
bolt’ (4-5). One commentator suggests
that there was an eastern custom of anointing a door handle as a way of saying
you were there. It left a fragrance. A bit like leaving flowers for her. But when she opens the door he is gone.
The tragedy is that the one who was meant to protect her has
left her vulnerable. The city’s watchmen
mistake her for a loose woman and beat her.
When she asks her friends to tell him that she is sick with love they ask,
‘What’s so special about your man?’ Then
she recalls. ‘My beloved is radiant and
ruddy, distinguished among ten-thousand’ (10).
We might say, ‘he is one in a million.’
These words need a lot of kindness and grace if we are going
to apply them to those we love—whether to our friends, wife, husband or
children. The truth is that if Caroline
was to compare me to a thousand other men she would have no problem finding
many that are more attractive than me.
But we are to see people in a unique way.
Daniel Estes writes: ‘In marriage it is easy to lose sight
of how special your spouse is. The
inexorable duties of life can dilute the delights of intimacy, so that what
used to provide excitement now evokes only a yawn. Indifference is a lethal blow to intimacy,
because it communicates that the relationship is not as valued as it used to
me.’
One of the most attractive things about my father was how he
sought to see the positive in everybody.
He was rarely critical of anyone.
He used to tell me to seek to learn one new thing from everyone I meet. I remember one time when Munster played a
really dreadful match, and when I pointed this out to him, he reminded me how
hard they train. We are not naïve about
people, ‘but love hopes all things’ (1 Cor. 13:7)—often we assume the worst
about someone’s motives, but love seeks to put a positive slant on the things
people say and do.
The wife tells her friends about his black hair, his bright
eyes, his sweet smell and his strength.
She is impressed with him. ‘His
mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend …’
(16). When you look for someone to be
married to make sure that they will be someone who will be a really good friend.
She then seems to remember that he will be in his garden. She goes to be with him She
declares ‘I am my beloved and he is mine’ (6:3). She had earlier said, ‘my beloved is mine and
I am his’ (2:16). There is a mutual
belonging in marriage.
A husband knocks at
your door
‘The incomplete satisfaction sex gives is intentional. Sex is not god. Rather it is a blessing from and a bridge to
God (O’Donnell).’ Jesus teaches that
there will be no marriage and no sex in heaven.
We won’t even desire marriage and sex there. Why?
Because we will fully know and be known by Christ, and to know him so
fully is to need nothing else. Marriage
and sex will have served their purpose. The
intimacy and enjoyment that they imperfectly point to will be ours for ever.
Singleness can be lonely. Marriage can be a struggle. But there is a perfect husband who knocks at our door. He is not late, and he is certainly not inconsiderate. Jesus invites us saying, ‘behold I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him, and he with me’ (Rev. 3:20). Our relationship with him in this life will still be prone to frustration because we do not yet see him face to face. But one day we will share in the wedding feast of the lamb (Jesus). We will delight that this lamb was slain on a cross so that we could be dressed before him in white.
No comments:
Post a Comment