Of course it is not just the exterior that we worry about. What about your temperament? Maybe people find you highly-strung. You fear that people think you are too serious. You worry that they find your humour annoying. You have been made feel stupid. You are not popular. You fear you would not be popular if people got to see beyond your crafted image. You are shy. You are giddy.. We are self-conscious.
Then there is our soul. It feels like there are stains on our conscience. We have both sinned and been sinned against. What if they knew what I am really like? We have regrets. We feel dirty. There are dark blotches that we want to remove. There are secrets that we fear being exposed. There are memories that haunt us. There are wrongs we want set right. There is shame. We are self-conscious.
In our reading we encounter a self-conscious teen and her encouraging lover. We know these verses point us ahead to Jesus, so we will hear his delighting words for his bride, the church. I have called this talk, 'self-image and the delight of Christ.' I pray that it will be healing for us.
We feel insecure because we are so flawed
The girl begins, 'I am dark but lovely' (5a). She knows that she has good looks, but she is also self-conscious. In that culture a pale complexion was considered desirable. Tanned skin spoke of someone who worked outdoors. The cultured women on that day made great efforts to keep their skin from being sun-kissed. 'Do not gaze on me because the sun has looked upon me' (6a).
She then goes on to mention her mother and brothers (or step-brothers). There is no mention of her father. Perhaps he is dead. Her family has forced her to keep the vineyards, '... but my vineyard I have not kept' (6). She has not had time to look after her appearance.
She wants to go and be with her lover at noon, the time when the men rested.
Are we people that others can be real with? Do people feel safe with us? Will we listen to their pain? Will be point them to God's grace? Will we take their hurts seriously? Reading these verses reminded me that God cares about all the small things that cause us to be anxious. He even takes our self-consciousness seriously.
In Christ we are made perfect
Now the young man speaks. 'I will compare you to a mare among Pharoah's chariots' (9). It may be that she is dressed up and looks impressive. 'Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with a string of jewels' (10).
We will see in this song the back and forth between the two. 'I love you'. 'I love you too.' How hard it is when we declare our love for someone only to be greeted by their indifference! That is not the case here. He calls her beautiful, she calls him handsome and charming.
Marriage is the union of an imperfect man to an imperfect woman. We are flawed both physically and morally. We need to view each other with grace-filled vision. If you are married let your spouse be your standard of beauty. Don't compare them with others. If he is short, then you are into short men. If she is blond, you are into blonds, and if she is brunette, you are into brunettes. If she is petit, then that is beauty for you. If she is curvy, then that is your preference.
It is the same if you are single and looking to meet someone. It will be impossible to enjoy a real relationship with a real person until you shed the demand for perfection.
But what about Jesus, my perfect lover? Does Jesus speak like this about me? Does he see me as beautiful? He sees his people as more than beautiful: he sees us as spotless. In Isaiah God promises, 'though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool' (Isaiah 1:18). In the New Testament we read, 'the blood of Jesus goes on cleansing us from all sin' (1 John 1:7). If you have brought your sin to Jesus and entrusted your life to his loving rule, if you have confessed a failure and wretched deed and laid it down before him then he does not want you to go on wallowing in your shame. It does not honour him to keep on bringing him your past. He calls you to be free.
I have really felt God challenge me recently. You see, I don't always feel loved by God. I don't always feel love for God. So I thought that I might be a fraud if I went on about how loving he is and how much he loves me. But sometimes our feelings have to follow our faith. We are called to hold on and believe that God loves us. We are called to repent of our unbelief in his care. We are called to live in the light of the love he has for us, a love that we might often doubt. We are to declare it as true, because it is true, even when it feels unreal.
We should delight in each other as Christ delights in us
If you are married, have you let the romance drain out of your marriage? This song tells us not to awaken love before its time, but if you are married that time is always now. You need to stir the embers of your love. In your friendships do you let people know how much they mean to you? In your faith do you devote solid time to simply be with Jesus?
She thinks that she is ordinary. 'I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys.' (2:1). Roses of Sharon were nice, but there were loads of them. Same with lilies of the valley. He says she is a special lily. 'A lily among brambles, so is my love among the young women' (2:2). Remember that she is your standard of beauty!
She too sees him as special. 'As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among young men' (2:3). Everything about him refreshes her. He is good for her. She delights to be in his presence.
Then comes one of the most famous verses in this song: 'He brought me to his banqueting table, and his banner over me is love' (2:4). I was at a school's rugby match, and I noticed that some of the girls had made a banner. It read, 'We love Reuben.' Imagine running onto the pitch and reading that. Imagine the courage it would give you. Imagine the determination it would leave you with. Imagine what it might feel like to know that Jesus holds a banner declaring his love for you! How life transforming it is to see his passion for us.
I was having coffee with one of the people of this church. I asked them if they knew that God delighted over them. They asked me how I could say that. So I showed them this verses from Zephaniah: 'he will rejoice over you with singing' (3:17). That truth made tears run down their cheek. 'For the Lord takes delight in his people, he crowns the humble with victory' (Ps. 149:4). The apostle Paul wrote of the Son of God who, 'loved me and gave himself for me' (Gal. 2:20). a couple of centuries later Augustine explained that 'God loves each of us as if there is only one of us.'
Conclusion
We began by looking at an insecure teenager who was worried about her sun-kissed skin. The solution to all our anxieties is to be kissed by the Son. As pray for each other that we might see that Jesus delights in all who have given him their life. We too should seek to encourage each other, in particular when we can see that God is doing a work in someone's life.
Douglas O'Donnell writes, 'some men would rather die than praise their wives. But this is their own funeral, the deadly chill of their once warm marriage.'
Dane Ortland advises, 'better to offer too much encouragement creating the possibility of pride, than too little, creating the possibility of discouragement.'
Finally, Tom Gledhill says, 'the phycological effects of praise and affirmation are beneficial to our well-being .... Surely this is an important part of any relationship. It is the oil that makes the machinery of everyday life run smoothly. It is the added fill-up on grey days.'
Love one-another as Christ has loved you.
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