All the lonely people (Ecclesiastes 4)

Have you ever felt lonely?  I remember being so lonely as a young adult that I started to dial the Samaritans.  I didn’t finish dialling the number because I didn’t know if that was the sort of thing they dealt with.  There is nothing wrong with ringing the Samaritans if you are desperately lonely.  In fact, one in three calls to the Samaritans in Ireland is by someone who feels isolated or alone.  That amounted to sixty-five thousand calls between January and July this year.  There are a lot of lonely people in this country.

It has been said that there is a loneliness epidemic in the western world.  Individualism is growing and community life is declining.  We meet on Facebook, but not face to face.  Neuroscientists discovered that the part of the brain that hurts when we experience rejection and loneliness is the same as that which is affected by standing on a piece of Lego.  The pain of loneliness is real.

This morning we are going to see that God cares about the lonely.

Some people are lonely because of injustice (1-3)

On Monday, Caroline and I went to see a film called ‘For Sama.’  It was a documentary made by a mother for her baby daughter showing her experiences of the siege in Aleppo, Syria.  I don’t understand all the ins and outs of that conflict, but the suffering endured by those people was horrific.  Solomon’s words rang true. ‘Again, I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun: I saw the tears of the oppressed—and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors—and they have no comforter’ (1).

You don’t have to be in the centre of a tragedy like Syria to feel the weight of Solomon’s words.  Maybe you remember when the school bully was giving you a hard time, and your friends didn’t have the backbone to stand by you.  It might be that you are in the middle of a crisis, someone is making your life miserable, and it feels like no-one seems to understand what you are going through.  Jesus stood before the authorities with the painful knowledge that his friends had deserted him.

But remember that Solomon is talking about life ‘under the sun’—that is, life when God is taken out of the picture.  It may seem that power is on the side of the oppressor, but Jesus is going to come and bring justice.  Jesus does care about what is being done to you.  Jesus does understand what you are going through.  Injustice may be a root of loneliness, but Jesus will see that justice is done.

Some people are lonely because they work too hard (4)

There is a difference between surfacing a need and creating a need.  The gospel surfaces a need as it tells us that we are sinful people who need to be reconciled to God.  Advertisers create a need when they tell us that our life will not be full without their product.  You may think that you will not be happy unless you have what everyone else has.  ‘And I saw that all labour and all achievement spring from man’s envy of his neighbour.  This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind’ (4).

A Minneapolis newspaper described the death of a man who was fifty-one.  His death-cert said he died of a heart problem, but everyone knew the real cause was overwork.  On the day of the funeral his company was already looking for his replacement.  A friend consoled his wife saying, ‘I know how much you will miss him.’  She simply replied, ‘Oh I already have.’

Learn the secret of contentment.  Stop trying to impress everybody but relax in God’s love.  Stop thinking that everything depends on you.  Stop hoping that the next purchase will take away your inner ache.  Stop striving to get to the top of the ladder.  God calls us to both work and rest.  He calls us to take time to cultivate friendships.

No-one models contentment better than Jesus.  Almost everyone had more than him.  ‘I would be content if I were better looking.’  Jesus ‘had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him’ (Isaiah 53:3b).  ‘I would be content if people looked up to me.’  Jesus was born into a poor home, had a humble job as a carpenter, and his family thought he was mad.  ‘I would be content if I had her house.’  Jesus never owned his home.  ‘I would be content if I were married.’  Jesus was never a husband or a father.  He had friends who let him down.  His stepfather died when he was young.  His cousin was killed in a brutal act of injustice.  He was hated by those with influence.  In a world of male pride, he was financially supported by women (Luke 8:3).  His whole life centred around his death on the cross.  Yet there was never anyone who was as content as he. 

Some people are lonely because they are lazy (5-6)

It is not just those who burn-out who lose out, those who drop out also lose out.  ‘The fool folds his hands and ruins himself’ (5).  No mother wants to see her daughter marry a dropout because she knows dropouts are self-centred.  The dropout misses out on the satisfaction that is supposed to be gained from work and also ends up lonely.  They end up lonely because they are only interested in taking, and friendships are built around both give and take.

There is a better path than burning-out or dropping out.  ‘Better a handful with tranquillity than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind’ (6).  The balanced person neither has their hands folded, like a fool, nor are they grasping for more and more with both hands.  They are working for what they need, but they are not consumed to try and get everything they think they want.  They know what is enough.  Their life has balance.  They have time to cultivate friendships and they are willing to give what it takes to make friendship work.

Some people are lonely because they refuse to be a team player (7-12)

‘There was a man all alone, he had neither son nor brother.  There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were never content with his wealth’ (8a).  Perhaps he worked so hard that he had no time to invest in family.  He toils for himself and he works alone.  Then he comes to a horrible realisation: ‘For whom am I toiling and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?’ (8b).

The team player is not only less lonely, they are more productive.  ‘Two are better than one because they have a good return for their work.  If a man falls down, his friend can help him up.  Also, if they lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can anyone keep warm alone?’ (9-11).  Part of this setting is that of a journey through the wilderness.  The desert got cold during the night, and travellers would lay back to back against their companions.  ‘A cord of three stands is not easily broken’ (12b).  There is safety in numbers!

Although the context of these verses is not marriage, they are often read at weddings.  When God saw that Adam was alone, he gave him a wife.  Marriage can be a blessing to the lonely.  But an unhappy marriage is very lonely.  Don’t demand that your spouse solve all your problems.  They can’t complete you.  Only god can! 

Some people are lonely because people are fickle (13-16)

The story of the king and the youth, at the end of the chapter, is a little confusing.  There is debate about the correct way to translate it.  The king is foolish and no longer knows how to take a warning (13).  You will end up isolated if you refuse to listen to others.  No-one wants to be friends with a know-all who does not value the opinions of others.

Of course, not all loneliness is your fault.  You might have longed to be married but never met someone suitable.  You may be widowed or abandoned.  Your family may have moved away.  You might be new to the area.  Sometimes people are lonely simply because people are fickle.  Like the youth who becomes king in the closing verses of this text.  He had been immensely popular but then the crowd deserted him.  Remember how Jesus rode into Jerusalem to the applause of many.  Yet a week later they were calling for him to be crucified.  He endured excruciating loneliness.

Conclusion:

Jesus experienced the most excruciating loneliness so that we would never be alone.  He cried out, ‘my God, my God why have your forsaken me?’ and now we are assured that in Christ God will never leave us nor forsake us.  The reality is that while the Christian may fel lonely, we are never actually alone.

‘God sets the lonely in families’ (Psalm 68:6a).  One of the ways that he does this is by joining us to a local church.  The local church is called the body of Christ.  We have been made brothers and sisters through faith in Jesus.  The New Testament writers would not understand the idea of someone who claims to be a follower of Jesus but is not connected to a church family.  The fact that you are hear this morning probably means that you have not given up on church, yet.  But maybe you are tempted.  Perhaps too many people in this room have said unhelpful things to you.  It could simply be tempting to stay in bed on a Sunday morning.  Ask God to give you the strength to keep persisting with people.  Ask him to help you model the humility that makes good friendships.  Ask him to guide you to those who are lonely.

So how do we deal with our loneliness.  The answer comes through three Cs.  Know Christ—he is the one who will come as our comforter.  He has to be with us until the end of the age.  Know Community—Christ has placed us into the family of the church.  Let people love you and reach out to them in love.  Know Contentment—if you think that you need to be in the ‘in crowd’ you will have shallow friendships.  Seek to enjoy those God has placed around you.