Caroline hates my jokes

The doctor rang this morning.  He told me that he had two pieces of bad news.
'Okay, what is the first?'
'The report in front of me tells me that you have only twenty four hours to live.'
'That's not so good,' I said.  'What's the second piece of bad news?'
'I've been trying to get through to you since yesterday.'

As I drove home today, an AA van sped by.  The driver was crying and shaking bitterly.  I said to Caroline, 'there's a man on his way to a breakdown.'

There was an offer in our local butchers.  'Eight leg of venison for fifty Euro.'
'Eight leg of version for fifty Euro,' I said.  'That's two deer.'