Conflict Avoidance

The thing about so many conflicts in the church is that they are over such small things. The best advice I can think of for most situations is that all of us need to be more sensitive in what we say and some of us need to be less overly-sensitive in how we receive things. For most hurts the advice of Proverbs is apt, 'A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is his glory to overlook an offense' (19:11). Let love cover a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8) and put the issue behind you!

If the nature of the issue is particularly serious then Jesus' instructions of Matthew 18:15-20 come into play. The person may need to be addressed, not to shame them but to encourage them to repent. Not to satisfy our spite but for their spiritual good. While Jesus words go as far as the church enacting discipline, if the person refuses to admit to a plainly obvious serious sin, they begin with a one on one encounter. This is the point I want to make: If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you (verse 15). 'Just between the two of you.' Don't gripe to other people; don't even rush to tell the pastor; deal with the matter with the person. How much division would be avoided if we started here? So often the last person we speak to is the first person we should speak to. Our gripes do nothing to resolve the issue but only serve to turn others against the person who has hurt us (hardly the forgiveness we are called to act out!).

So if someone hurts you remember that it is your glory to overlook their offence (Proverbs 19:11). In most cases the thing you are to do is simply forgive and keep no record of the wrong (1 Cor. 13:5). If the issue is so serious that it needs to be addressed then certainly don't go and gripe about it. Talk to them! Don't involve anyone else until you have had the guts to talk to them! And when someone starts to gripe to you about another person have the guts to say to them 'have you spoken to them about it?' (it is my guess that in most instances they won't have).