Friday, 15 June 2012

Can I have some of your time?

The second love language, that Gary Chapman mentions, is quality time.  I don't think that this is either Caroline or my primary love language but it is important to both of us.  Recently we resumed the practise of having a date night.  We had a great conversation and were both on a high from it the next day.

Quality time means giving the person your undivided attention.  Chapman mentions two dialects of this language: quality conversation and quality activities.  I think that I am more concerned about quality conversations and Caroline is more concerned quality activities.

Quality Conversations.  There is a difference between the quality conversation and the love language of words.  'Words of affirmation focus on what we are saying, whereas quality conversation focuses on what we are hearing.'  'If I am sharing my love for you by means of quality time and we are going to spend time in conversation, it means I will focus on drawing you out, listening sympathetically to what you have to say. I will ask questions, not in a badgering manner but with genuine desire to understand your thoughts, feelings, and hopes.'

'Quality conversation requires not only sympathetic listening but also self-revelation.'  Chapman highlights that some people are like the Dead Sea (which receives water but goes nowhere) and others are like babbling brooks.  He says that Dead Seas often marry Babbling Brooks.  You see, it is great when they are going out and infatuated with each other.  The Babbling Brook just pours it all out and the Dead Sea sits their and listens.  But later on the Dead Sea gets a little weary of listening to the Babbling Brook and the Babbling Brook feels a lack of intimacy because the Dead Sea never shares their heart.  The good news is that Dead Seas can learn to talk and Babbling Brooks can learn to listen.

Quality activities.  A person whose love languages involve quality time is into creating memories.  Caroline doesn't just want us to go out she wants us to do something special.  It is important that the person who is seeking to give such love does so with a positive attitude.  One helpful suggestion is to ask your spouse for five activities that he/she would enjoy doing with you.

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