'I know how you feel!'

We have a great bunch of people in our pastoral care team. Indeed we have a very caring church. But there is something I want to communicate with them all. 'We don't know how people feel'. People are too complicated to simply be able to put our arms around them and say those pointless words 'I know how you feel.'

Take depression or anxiety. You may have passed through a time of depression but that does mean you know how another depressed person feels. There are different types of depression and anxiety. Someone may be depressed because of circumstances in their life, or their depression may be to do with the make up of chemicals in their brain. There are big differences between a person who is suffering from obsessions and someone suffering melancholy. Even if someone's depression or anxiety is the exact same as yours their response to it may be different. What was a help to you may be a hindrance to them. You may have benefited from someone talking with you, they may want you to leave them in peace. I am not saying that our own experiences cannot be of value in relating to people, but be careful not to make assumptions.

So, at our next pastoral team meeting, I plan to get them to repeat after me the words, 'I know how you feel.' Then I will say, 'may that be the last time you use those words as a part of this ministry.'